let yourself just BE

It seems my unhappiness at work has consumed my time and taken away my joy and inspiration. I had a really rough week where I dreaded getting up every day and seriously thought about quitting on the spot. This week was better, though, and I'm starting to think I might stay. I doubt I'll ever love it there, but the work I do is becoming more enjoyable so that helps. 

One reason I have a hard time settling at my job is because I feel the worldly atmosphere has taken a toll on my spiritual life. Being around the language, music, and attitudes of a non-Christian environment makes its way into my thoughts and life, and I haven't been strong enough to resist. I really don't know how to act in some of the situations I encounter. The times when someone is matter-of-factly talking about their messed up life, saying things about spouse and family relationships that I find heartbreaking. All the off-color, sexual conversations. People talking dirt about coworkers. Those who have rigid beliefs about covid, and want you to stay away from them if you're not vaxxed. Working closely with the conspicuously gay. These are things I encounter every day. So many people need Jesus.

I've felt weirdly invisible because I don't join in most conversations, so I'm ignored. Social skills are not my talent, and I can't figure out how to relate to these people on anything besides work. There are a few who have been very nice and I'm grateful for that. 

Somehow I need to figure out a way to live in this less than ideal life. I realize that IS life, and no situation is ideal. I'm sure it's obvious that I live in my head and try to escape real life. What I really want is to be someone who loves others, and is thoughtful and kind. I need to get out of my head and stop thinking about myself. I know this, but that doesn't make it happen. And even if I am that person, it doesn't mean people will like me. 

The following quote sums it up better than anything. 

Let yourself just be even in the uncertainty. ♡♡♡