Friday evening reflection

It's a Friday summer evening, I just savored a  chocolate dipped chocolate ice cream bar, and I'm lounging in my deck chair... this is what makes life good! 😄

Schwan's Double Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 😋

It was a stressful yet rewarding work week. I was off most of last week and was surprised at the warm welcome back I got. Now that my training is over and I'm on my own, I'm enjoying my job more. I know for a certainty I don't want to be anywhere but the IV room, and I'm trying to get transferred there full time. It comes with a lot of drama and stress though, because of certain people and how things are handled. I try not to get involved, but one of the techs is having major problems in her personal life and freely talks about it every day. Last weekend the wife of her "side piece" called while she was at work and confronted her about their affair. Since then things have blown up and every day she's unloading on some of our male coworkers, who she also hangs out with outside of work. They have their own significant others, who aren't happy about the attention she gives them. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't need to go into all the details. It's not easy working with her, but I think she's desperately unhappy. She doesn't have any real friends. It's hard not to join in all the gossip, although I don't want anything to do with the drama so I try to stay out of it. 

Another coworker has lost her dad and her dog (she's single, and the dog was a close companion) within the last year. A couple weeks ago, her mom came in for surgery and had major complications. She ended up on a ventilator, dialysis, and all kinds of life-sustaining treatment. It sounds like she won't recover and it's only a matter of time before they've exhausted all the options. My coworker is holding up remarkably well, but it's taking a toll. 

Our manager has been implementing some new processes to make our IV room more compliant with regulations, and there's been a few rough days. Some people can hardly handle change and it's hard for them to retrain their thinking. They get up tight and start lashing out at others, and things go downhill fast. Yesterday was one of the most chaotic I've experienced. I was on stats 2 days in a row, and the first day was calm and almost boring. The next day, it was out of control. I couldn't keep up and at one point there were 3 of us doing stats. At least I finally felt useful! It was actually one of the best days I've had at work because that speed is much more to my liking. It exhausts me to not be busy and have to look for things to do. Some of my coworkers told me this morning they didn't know if I'd show up after how I got my butt kicked yesterday! Excuse the crude language, I actually tamed it down from what they really said! 😆 

Even though I don't say a lot about my beliefs or even talk much, I'm realizing people see things. Someone said this morning, "Wendy, you don't curse, do you?" When I said no, she asked if it offended me that they do. I don't feel it's my place to preach or try to correct them, so my response was something like, "No, you're you and I'm me." It does get wearisome being around ungodly people, but it gives me a boost to hear them say things like, "You're always so nice!" 

I'm still glad to leave it all behind at the end of the day. I'll be spending the weekend avoiding work stress! 

June book club + wailing walls

Last week started with Monday morning book club at Kirbyville Farm Market. June's book Educated won high marks from everyone. Some said it's been the best one so far! 

I certainly enjoyed reading it again. It's a memoir but reads like a story, and is hard to put down once you get started.

Kaleigh picked The Last Green Valley for our next book. It's a WWII historical fiction novel, right down my alley. I started reading this weekend and so far, I'm hooked!

On the job front, things have been going much the same. I finally finished training in the IV room last week, and managed to do stats on my own a few days. According to what I've heard, some people do fine with training until they get to stats, then break down under the pressure. It can definitely be stressful, but I think I might end up liking it best. Intensity doesn't bother me and there's always someone to help if you're drowning. Also, we get to work with some interesting drugs. We do lots of meds for the pediatric cancer center, and all three vaccines (Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson) came through on different days last week. I also made IV's for a gift of life donor and a transplant patient. 

I've been at LVHN almost 6 months, which is the time I vowed to give myself to see if things got better. Some things are better now that I'm in the IV room, but there's still an underlying discontent and unhappiness. I have been exploring other opportunities, but I'm reluctant to switch jobs again and the unknown scares me tremendously. What if I dislike the next place just as much as this one? I would've been better off staying where I am. I actually feel paralyzed by my indecision and unhappiness with my current situation. It's affected my mood and zeal for life, and I can't seem to dig myself out of this hole.

In Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees, May, one of the main characters, suffers from depression and is overly sensitive to the world's sadness. Her sisters constructed a "wailing wall" like the one in Jerusalem, and when May is feeling sad, she writes down what is bothering her and sticks the notes in the wall. 

May's wailing wall spoke deeply to me, and ever since I read this book, I've wanted to make my own. Somehow I think I'd find it therapeutic. Maybe one of these days I'll gather up the energy to get started!