July 29, 2019

His Great Plan

Yesterday we attended a wedding and one of the congregational songs was "His Great Plan". Listening to a group of around 400 singing in amazing harmony was deeply moving. I was touched and it left an impression on me.

The hills are the arms of God, lifting me to Him
All the beauty of nature - mountains, oceans, seasons, birds, flowers, sunshine, blue sky - speaks of a divine Creator. Observing its majesty draws us to Him.



My every need is given by His hand
How blessed we are. We've been given so much and sometimes take it for granted.

Though I'm just a grain of dust, I'm part of His creation
To think of the vast universe and all the people God created makes me feel tiny and insignificant. I'm just a grain of dust, yet He made me and cares for me!

I'm glad He had a place for me in His great plan.
These words are hard for me. Sometimes I feel He doesn't have a place for me and His plan for my life is not what I wanted. In fact, believing these words is almost beyond my grasp. That's the bare, raw truth.

Singing this song when I was in the youth was inspiring and hopeful. Now that I'm older and have walked through some tough times, it's not very easy to sing. The most uplifting part is the hills are the arms of God, lifting me to Him. I choose to focus on that instead of the words that make me sad.

I was somewhat reluctant to share these thoughts, but decided to step outside my comfort zone. Maybe it will be a blessing!


July 25, 2019

something to do, something to love, something to hope for



Life has been busy, but good! I can hardly believe July is almost over. I haven't spent nearly as much time outside this summer as I would've liked. It seems work and other obligations take up too much of my time and I kind of rebel against that. Right now there's a list of things I should be working on, but I decided to sit on the deck with my gorgeous flowers and enjoy the evening for awhile. Why can't I have more time to rest and enjoy nature? I usually enjoy my job but resent that I have to be inside most of the time and it's been a drudgery lately. I know I still have it better than moms with babies and children to take care of, but looking at it from my perspective, I think, "at least moms can be home and go outside or take a nap if they want!"

I experienced a few days of family life when we went to Ohio to help Chad and Keela move into their new house. We were there five days and filled each one to the brim. I set up the kitchen, pantry, and laundry room and arranged her decor. Cliff's handyman skills were a tremendous help for hanging shower curtain rods and shelves, wiring lights and receptacles for Keela's sewing area in the basement, and other odds and ends. Chelsea (3) begged me to color with her and I couldn't always oblige because we were so busy unpacking and organizing, but managed to get a few pictures in! It's so neat to be integrated into someone else's life for awhile. A sister's house feels like my own and there's no pretense or false politeness necessary. Yes, it should be that way with everyone, but the truth is I'm just not that comfortable with anyone else! Even though we worked hard while we were there, it was still a vacation from our jobs and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute.



What are your "grand essentials of happiness"? For me "something to do" and "something to love" are kind of the same, but I'm blank on "something to hope for" (besides Heaven). Here's my essentials.

Something to do:  A fulfilling job I enjoy.

Something to love: Things I find pleasure in doing - being outside, planting and caring for flowers, reading, going on relaxing vacations like this one, spending time with family.

When I was young, there was always something to hope for. I looked forward to going to school, getting converted, graduating, turning 16, driving on my own, going to teach Bible school, going to girl's class, being with my friends, going to weddings, teaching school, getting married... now that's all over! I've been married almost 15 years, don't have my own children's milestones to look forward to, and am mostly content with my life. Sometimes I think the best part of my life was my youth years, even though there were turbulent times and I wish I would've done some things differently. Maybe I'm not understanding these "grand essentials of happiness" correctly though. Also, it's not necessarily scriptural so maybe it has no meaning. I'd love to hear your feedback!



July 12, 2019

This is home

Each stately tree and patch of woods

Lush green grass soft underfoot

Bubbling creeks and mountain streams

The whistle of a train

Warm summer breeze

Crisp autumn wind

Cold winter chill

Hills and small mountains

Covered bridges

Horse and buggy

Holstein cows

Narrow, winding roads full of cars

Italian-style pizza

Where childhood memories were made

Familiar faces

Dad and mom

Grandpa and grandma

Family

School that helped me grow

Church to show the right way

Old stone houses and barns

Dutch

No place I'd rather be

Pennsylvania

This is home













July 8, 2019

weekend getaway

For the last three years we've taken a short summer vacation to the Hudson River valley area in New York. It's only about three hours away and is so lovely! We usually stay in the Bear Mountain vicinity.


This time we stayed at the Inn at the Garrison, a small inn located on a golf course. It's also a wedding venue, and there were several while we were there. It wasn't a super quiet place because of that, but very clean and comfortable.

On our way to the Garrison, we stopped at our most favorite place to eat, The Filling Station (TFS) in Haverstraw. We discovered this place the first time we vacationed in that area and have been going ever since! Their specialty is burgers (made while you wait) and fries. You would be hard-pressed to find a better burger anywhere! The building is literally an old filling station. Definitely not a fine dining establishment, but quirky and unique.



Condiments are kept in old tool chests, like shown above. It's worth driving three hours just to eat there!

On Saturday we took a 2.5 hour cruise from Peekskill to West Point on a 36 passenger former Coast Guard boat called Evening Star


Unfortunately, it rained several times while we were on the trip. It was still fun though! We found out some interesting facts and history about the area. Although several places claim to be the inspiration for the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz, the actual road is supposed to be in Peekskill, where L. Frank Baum attended military academy. Seeing West Point from the river was pretty impressive.

West Point 


Saturday evening we went to Hudson Creamery for ice cream. I got the yellow brick road sundae, which was fantastic! It came in a waffle cone with crushed Nilla wafers and dulce de leche sauce. Quite a treat!




Lots of time to rest, beautiful scenery, and good food made for a relaxing getaway. It just went by too fast!



July 5, 2019

Thoughts on jobs, education, and culture

A recent conversation got me thinking about jobs, education, and the Mennonite culture. I did some quick research on how many people in our congregation are self-employed or working for a member versus those who are employed outside of our circles. The result was 95% self-employed or working for a member, and 5% working outside. A larger majority of the 95% are self-employed, which helps create jobs for others. We are fortunate to have jobs within our circles, and probably don't realize how good we have it. Most likely we are getting paid more working for a member than we would if employed elsewhere. Time off for weddings and vacations is easily granted and maybe even expected.

Will the majority of people in our circles continue to be self-employed or working for a member as time goes on? We might need to broaden our horizons and seek work elsewhere. When looking for a job, usually one of the first requirements is a GED. Where I work, even a housekeeper or dishwasher is required to have a GED, with a starting wage of $9 - $10 an hour. Jobs that require special training but not a college degree (phlebotomy, medical assistant, pharmacy tech, etc.) start out at $13 - $14 an hour. That comes out to a yearly gross income of approximately $30,000. If you're single you might manage to live off that, but it would be insufficient for supporting a spouse or family. Jobs that offer a better wage - say $50,000 or $60,000 a year - are generally going to require a college degree or experience working in that field.

The saying "it's not what you know, it's who you know" is certainly true. I've seen this at work. When management is looking to fill a position, they're much more likely to hire someone who was recommended by an employee. The hospital seldom hires pharmacists right out of school without any experience, but one new grad got the job because someone who formerly worked at St. Joe's recommended her. Also, I question whether all the housekeepers and dishwashers actually have a GED. I tend to believe they get hired if the manager knows them or someone recommends them.

Now for my main objective. I know this may be controversial, but I'm going to put it out there. An 8th or 9th grade education is no longer basic education and is insufficient for the time we live in. A basic education should be high school or equivalent (GED). In Pennsylvania, you have to be 18 to take the GED test. Most 8th graders could probably pass the GED, but after being out of school for 4 years they're going to have a harder time. By the time our young people are 18, they're thinking of going to a unit and getting married. Girls especially are probably not going to be interested in continuing their education because most women in our circles are homemakers and don't have to work to support themselves. However, there are single sisters, widows, and single moms who have to make a living.

Sixteen is the basic minimum age for employment, and there are laws that regulate how many hours a 14 or 15 year old can work. If our school went to 10th grade, students would be 16 when they graduate. An extra two years of school could be spent learning more work skills and better preparing our young people to find employment. Classes could include resume writing, computer skills, CPR and first aid. More time to practice math, grammar, and writing would be an advantage. Our schools are weak on science and social studies because we cram so much in eight years. Further study in those subjects would be an asset.

I don't claim to have answers, but have felt for a long time that we need a better school system. Times have changed since our church schools were established, and maybe it's time to take a closer look at how to better prepare our students for living and working in this modern age.

June 30, 2019

Impressions from an ordinary week

Since sleep is eluding me, I might as well do something! I don't have any big inspiration to write about, just some impressions from last week.

This is my weekend to work, and yesterday was a good day. It started out with a caramel latte from McDonald's - my work weekend treat. One of the pharmacists who is an amazing cook brought in food for the whole day. For breakfast, homemade quiche made with eggs, potatoes, ham, broccoli, onion, and cheese as near as I could tell. Also fresh fruit, consisting of watermelon, grapes, blueberries, and strawberries. And of course, cronuts!! There was a beautiful looking salad for lunch that included chicken, black beans, tomato chunks, colorful sweet peppers and purple onions, with toppings of tortilla strips, cheese, salsa, and homemade Ranch dressing. It was all so delicious! It amazes me that she went to all that work for only the six of us who were working. It's not like that every weekend - it depends on who's working if food gets brought in. There hasn't been much food brought in lately so on Friday I took in whoopie pie bars, which went over well!

Last week I trained for the 6:30 am  - 3:00 pm position. The lead technician usually works that shift, although everyone gets trained for it. The 6:30 person is the one in charge of keeping the front pharmacy running smoothly. I enjoyed it and especially liked getting off earlier! Now I am officially trained in all areas of the pharmacy, almost a year after I started. I'm really glad I have all that behind me. The first few months were a steep learning curve and I feel like I've learned so much in the last year!

One special moment last week was when I had to go in the C-section room to refill Pyxis and heard a baby's first cry! Another sweet, unexpected gift was a bouquet of wildflowers from Shelby. He picked them along the road and delivered them to my house just for me! 😍

We've had some beautiful summer weather this week and my flowers are showing it. Looking out my windows and seeing flowers makes me happy!




Maybe I'll get up now and make a coffee cake to take to work this morning. I've been inspired by the pharmacist who so generously made all that food yesterday!

June 27, 2019

Five senses of summer

Summer


Tastes like...

  • A caramel sundae on a warm evening
  • Juicy watermelon       
  • Fresh-picked blueberries 
  • Sweet iced tea




Feels like...

  • Silky, warm bedsheets against your skin
  • Comfy flip flops 
  • Heaven



Smells like...

  • Sunscreen
  • Fresh-mown hay
  • A hamburger fry



Sounds like...

  • Birdsong
  • Children's laughter 
  • An evening thunderstorm 



Looks like...

  • Freckles, sun-kissed skin, and lighter hair
  • Queen Anne's lace and blue chicory blooming along the road
  • Winking fireflies 
  • Porch-sittin at the end of the day



What are your five senses of summer? I'd love to hear!



June 21, 2019

seven small positive thoughts

This has been a soggy week and I've been struggling to find joy in the daily grind. When day after day the clouds and downpours continue it starts to affect my mental health. My work schedule has been so topsy turvy the last few weeks and I'm experiencing bullying at work which adds to the unhappiness. I believe it's time to list some positives!

1. It's officially summer and the longest day of the year! Plus, the sun came out this afternoon and it's supposed to be a nice weekend! 🙌

2. A delicious supper at Charles & SaraBeth's tonight and time spent with my nieces. 😍

3. Donuts! How can you be sad when you're eating a donut? Some things are just worth the calories. I believe a trip to our favorite bakery tomorrow would be in place.


4. Cliff isn't picky about having full course rounded-out meals. Taco salad suits us just fine for supper!

5. Scented lotion. Such a small thing, but it makes me happy when I'm wearing it!


6. Books - the ultimate escape.


7. A good night's rest. Helps to clear the mind and prepare for another day.



June 14, 2019

Favorite home and garden tools

I thought it would be fun to write about some of my most used/favorite home and garden tools.


Favorite garden tools

1. Brentwood Wheelbarrow


I'm so pleased to own a pink Brentwood wheelbarrow! It's sturdy, easy to manipulate, and one of my most useful outdoor tools. Every bit of our mulch was shoveled and unloaded from this wheelbarrow by yours truly. It's hauled loads of rocks, weeds, and plants as well.

2. Dewalt cordless blower

I was skeptical when Cliff bought this little blower because I thought a battery operated blower wouldn't have much power. However, I found out it works wonderfully for blowing off the walk, porch, and deck. It's lightweight and so handy!

3. Nitrile touch gardening gloves


These gloves fit snugly and don't feel bulky, allowing full use of your hands for gardening. They're tough and will last awhile too.

4. Amish reel-type clothesline


My grandma used to have a reel-type clothesline that I always thought was neat. They are very popular among the Amish, who have looonng clotheslines for their big families. My wish for one was granted several years ago, stretching from the deck to the storage shed. Mine is only long enough for approximately two loads of wash. As I mentioned before, I like hanging wash outside and I love my clothesline!


Favorite household items

1. Simplicity cordless vacuum


This is definitely one of my most used household tools. It operates like a regular vacuum, without a cord. The salesman at our local vacuum store highly recommended it over other brands. A fully charged battery lasts for around an hour and the suction is wonderful. The only thing I don't like about it is that there's no attachments - it's just a bare bones vacuum (but not a bare bones price 😬 FYI, I did not pay the amount you see if you click on the link!) It's so quick to pull this out when you have a little mess to clean up, but I even use it to vacuum the whole house sometimes. Cliff often comes home with bits of spray foam on his clothes that fall off in the bathroom. He can grab this vacuum and sweep them up, no stress!

2. Yeti Rambler 30 oz.

I keep this cup at work and use it every day. It keeps my water colder for longer than any other drink cup I've had. Plus, it's pink!

3. Fly lady purple rags


Several years ago Keela gave us ladies each a set of these rags for Christmas. I keep one under the kitchen sink, bathroom sink, and in the laundry room for quick cleaning. They do a great job!

4. Norwex microfiber dusting mitt


I got one of these at Christmas and have used it a lot. See some dust? Grab your mitt, run your hand over the spot, and done! For some reason it makes dusting seem much easier!

5. Heavy duty clothes drying rack


Another Amish favorite! I use this a lot in the winter when it's too cold to hang clothes outside. I set it up in the basement and heat from the woodstove quickly dries the laundry. It holds a surprising amount of wash, and won't collapse. Well worth the cost!

June 13, 2019

Night shift in the pharmacy

My second night at work is over, three more to go! Working night shift is a little different than days, and I've been seeing new parts of the hospital. At night is when we restock the OR, cath lab, and other areas associated with procedures. There are eight operating rooms, two endo suites, and four cath labs, each with a Pyxis machine.

Pyxis anesthesia system

Unless there's an emergency, the OR suites aren't used at night. There's only a few operating personnel on call, and you might not even see them. I've never had a good look at the operating rooms - I've had to go up during the day a time or two when they ran out of something, but usually they would be in the middle of a case and I had to get in and out as quickly as possible. It's quite a feeling to be in a cold, silent operating room at night, surrounded by expensive equipment and technology. It makes me even more intrigued with what goes on there. I'd love to watch a procedure in real life sometime. One of the rooms is for robotic surgery.


Da Vinci robot

In a robotic surgery, the instruments are held by the robot while the surgeon sits at a console, controlling the arms. When I was studying medical coding, my course gave me access to videos of real-life recorded surgeries. I watched one of a robotic surgery and was totally fascinated.

Our job during night shift is to pull all the drugs for the OR Pyxis machines, label all IV fluids and OR solutions for the day's cases, and deliver them. At night there's only one pharmacist and one tech working, so you are also responsible to answer phones, make any stat IV meds, and deliver meds to nursing floors as needed. The first night I was training was a lot busier than last night and I didn't even have a chance to sit down until around 5:00. Last night was slower - it depends somewhat on how many cases are scheduled for the day. The first night went by pretty fast, but last night seemed to drag because I had more time to watch the clock.

The first night I felt good and wasn't tired until towards morning, but last night wasn't so great. Being up all night and sleeping during the day messes with your internal biological clock. I worked night shift one week when I first started at the hospital as a secretary and was training in the ER. My stomach was upset for the first few nights and I'm experiencing that again. I had a few snacks and tried to drink lots of water, but that didn't really help. I feel like I need a caffeinated drink to keep me awake and alert through the night, and that probably doesn't make my stomach issues any better. Both nights I got a McDonald's large sweet tea and sipped it throughout my shift. For some reason a coffee drink didn't seem enticing, but now sweet tea doesn't sound good to me either. I'm not sure what I'll have tonight. After tonight I have one night off, then finish up Sunday night. I kind of wish my five nights were all in a row instead of broken up like that. It's hard on your circadian rhythm and you can't really get in a routine. But this too shall pass!

Yesterday was a gorgeous sunny day and after sleeping until noon, I worked outside for several hours. Today is rainy and dreary and I don't have much motivation to get anything done. Maybe it will be a curl-up-on-the-couch-and-read type of day!


June 3, 2019

work and leisure

Random happenings and thoughts are on my mind, so I'll just start writing and see how this turns out!

Last night at work there was a little excitement. A patient in CCU had to have an emergent bedside TEE. Normally this procedure is done in the cath lab, where they have all the needed meds and supplies. Since it was being done bedside, pharmacy had to send some meds. I took a call from the cardiologist who said, "Listen, I need you to get that Hurricaine spray and lidocaine up here NOW." I told him we were working on it, and he said "Yes, I know you're working on it, but the patient is sedated and I need it in the next 30 seconds." He wasn't mean about it, but definitely put the pressure on! Interesting side note, this cardiologist is a nephew to Joan Rivers. He's very talkative and intense, and I think he's a good doctor. Awhile later, the pharmacist told me this same patient needed Kcentra, an IV medication given for an uncontrolled bleed. I never mixed it before, and they already called asking for it. After getting a brief instruction from the pharmacist, I headed back to the clean room to figure it out. The method of mixing is a little different than normal, and I had a few problems so the pharmacist ended up coming to help. Thank goodness I didn't mess it up, because the dose the patient got was worth at least $60,000! Next time I have to do it, I'll know much better how to do the manipulations. It seems most people, including me, learn a lot better by doing, rather than watching. That's how we get trained in the pharmacy, anyway! 



My work schedule is a little undesirable right now. I have 9 work days of 2:30 - 11 PM, followed by night shift training, which will be 5 nights of 11 PM - 7 AM. By the time that's over, it will be the middle of June. Such a lovely month and I'm confined to being indoors working or sleeping the day away. I find it hard to get a routine when I work until 11 PM. When I get home, I'm not ready to sleep right away, so I end up reading or something until 1 or 2 AM. Then I sleep late, maybe do a few things around the house, leisurely get ready for work, and start all over again. It makes me feel sluggish and I find myself procrastinating even more than usual. 

My flowers and woodland gardens are looking great even though it feels like I haven't given them much attention. Thanks to Preen, the weeds in the woodland beds are staying quite manageable. I still need to plant some flowers by the mailbox. I wanted to try bubblegum petunias but when I checked at two greenhouses today, they were gone. 

Today was a perfect sunny day and my day off, so I spent some time reading in my chair on the deck. I believe in seizing the opportunity to enjoy a perfect day when you get one!


The sky was the clearest blue, and it wasn't humid. It was a perfect wash-drying day, and I can't wait to sleep on my sun-dried fresh sheets tonight! Hanging wash outside is so satisfying. 


After supper I took a walk. The last few weeks I've been sporadic in keeping up that habit. Maybe if I publicly acknowledge that I've been slacking, it will motivate me to try harder! I always feel better when I do it, but my self discipline is lacking.  

It's June... live in the sunshine, smell the flowers, spend time porch sittin', and seize the day!


May 26, 2019

The Hochstetler Massacre

This is a post I've been wanting to write ever since I told the story of my ancestor Rosanna.

Jacob Hochstetler emigrated from Switzerland in 1736, making his home in the Northkill Amish settlement in what is now Bern Township, Pennsylvania. During the French and Indian War, Delaware Indians attacked his home. There were 6 people at home the night of September 19, 1757; Jacob and his wife, sons Jacob Jr, Joseph, and Christian, and a daughter. The son Jacob was awakened by an unusual noise from the dog. He opened the door to see what was wrong, and received a gunshot wound to his leg. Realizing they were being attacked by Indians, he managed to close and lock the door before Indians could get in. Immediately the whole family awoke and could see 8 or 10 Indians standing outside near the bake oven. There was no moon that night and no light in the house, so the family could not be seen. Plenty of guns and ammunition were in the house, and Joseph, Christian, and their father were good marksmen. The sons pleaded with their father, but Jacob stood firm in his belief in non resistance and told them it was not right to take the life of another, even to save their own. After consulting among themselves, the Indians set the house on fire. The family took refuge in the cellar as the Indians stood guard outside. When the fire burst through the floor, they sprinkled cider on the burning spots and beat back the fire as best they could. It was nearing daybreak, and they were hoping to hold out until the Indians departed. Finally they saw them leaving one by one. As the fire continued to burn and it became impossible to stay in the cellar, the family crept out a small basement window. A young warrior had stayed behind gathering peaches and saw the family escape. The mother was a fleshy woman and had trouble getting out the window, also the wounded son Jacob had to be assisted, and by the time everyone was out they were surrounded by Indians. Joseph, being a swift runner, managed to escape even though two Indians followed him. When he saw they had given up the chase, he returned and hid behind a log. The son Jacob and his sister were tomahawked, and their mother was stabbed to the heart and scalped. Father Jacob and Christian were taken captive. An Indian caught sight of Joseph in his hiding place, and he was captured as well. Before leaving, Jacob advised his sons to fill their pockets with ripe peaches. Upon arrival in an Indian village, prisoners were made to run the gauntlet. Some captives died before reaching the end. Jacob and his sons presented the chief with their peaches, which pleased him so well they were saved from running the gauntlet. The Indians plucked out Jacob's beard and all of the hair on his head except for a tuft about four inches in diameter. He and his sons were separated and made to conform to Indian customs. Jacob never gave up on freeing himself, and after three years managed to escape. At the end of the war in 1758, a peace treaty was made with the condition that prisoners were to be returned, but very few ever were. Finally in 1762 Christian was released, and after much trying, Joseph was released a year later.


This historical marker is near the present day town of Shartlesville. More information can be found in this article from wikipedia.

Joseph Hochstetler is my great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather. Both Rosanna and Joseph are ancestors through my mom. I wish I knew more stories of my ancestry, but I'm lucky to know this much! Maybe some day I'll research and find out more about them.

May 19, 2019

my favorite books

Sometimes I get asked for book recommendations and recently someone left a comment suggesting I make a list. I thought about just listing my top five favorite nonfiction books, but couldn't narrow it down to so few. I did make a list of my top five all-time favorites. If you're interested in seeing what books I've read, I have a pinterest board named "READ!" You can find me on pinterest by searching "wjsmith" or "wendyjanesmith". I should probably make a goodreads account instead, but started pinning all the books I read to pinterest and that's what I've gotten used to.

WARNING: Most of the books I read are not squeaky-clean and contain profanity, immorality, or murder. My favorite genre is nonfiction, and true historical accounts often contain these vices. In no way do I want to promote evil, but many times good outweighs the evil and I choose to focus on that. Also, I am not a believer in living in purposeful ignorance to the world we live in and historical events. Most of the books listed here are for mature adults.





DISCLAIMER: At least half of these books are set in the WWII era. I guess those are the kinds of books that make the deepest impression on me!


Top ten nonfiction (not ranked):
  1. We Die Alone (David Howarth)
  2. The Long Walk (Slavomir Rawicz)
  3. Unbroken (Laura Hillenbrand)
  4. The Sun Does Shine (Anthony Ray Hinton)
  5. Night (Elie Wiesel)
  6. Shadow Divers (Robert Kurson)
  7. A Higher Call (Adam Makos)
  8. In the Heart of the Sea (Nathaniel Philbrick)
  9. Roots (Alex Haley)
  10. The Boys in the Boat (Daniel James Brown)


Most favorite classics:
  1. Les Misérables (Victor Hugo)
  2. A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)




Top five fiction (not ranked):
  1. The Book Thief (Markus Zusak)
  2. The Nightingale (Kristin Hannah)
  3. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (John Boyne)
  4. All the Light We Cannot See (Anthony Doerr)
  5. The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien)

My top five all-time favorites are a mix of fiction and nonfiction. Some of the books that are on these lists are favorites because I love the way they're written and the language the author uses. Best first line ever? (my opinion) "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ." comes from A Tale of Two Cities. The Book Thief is narrated by Death and has some of the most beautiful writing I've ever read, but again that's my opinion. You might not agree.


Top five all time favorites, ranked:
  1. Unbroken
  2. Night
  3. A Higher Call
  4. A Tale of Two Cities
  5. The Book Thief





Evening contemplation

Instead of going on a walk this humid evening, I'm choosing to relax by sitting on the deck and writing. This was my 6th consecutive day at work and I have 3 more to go before I have some extra time off. If I find a way to relax a little every day, it helps to keep work and life from becoming too overwhelming. Walking helps too, but tonight I want to enjoy the outdoors and feel and hear the thunderstorm rolling in. Besides, I'm a little traumatized from seeing a HUGE (for here) black snake on my walk last night. As I was walking up the hill, I saw what I thought was a plastic pipe or something on the side of the road, UNTIL I got close enough to see it had a head!! Of course, I didn't stop to inspect it but it looked at least 3 feet long and didn't move as I walked by. I told Shelby since it was close to their house and I am husband-less at the moment. When Shelby and Kait were coming home later they saw it still lying there. Upon inspection, he found it was already dead, but that doesn't make it any less terrifying for me! That's one disadvantage to living in the woods - we do have snakes and I see at least one every year. Hopefully that's my one snake for this year!! I know most of the snakes around here aren't poisonous, but a snake is a snake and I do not appreciate them!

Cliff, Dad and Mom, and Charles's family went to Ohio to spray foam Chad and Keela's new house. I didn't ask to take off because I had already requested and been approved for time off over Memorial Day weekend. The job will probably take all next week. Although I miss Cliff and would love to be in Ohio with the family, I'm enjoying my alone time after I get off work by napping, walking, and reading. 😊 There's also plenty of things on my outside to-do list to keep me busy.

I've relocated to the porch since a few rain drops started splattering down. The air smells like rain, the peepers and birds are chirping, and the thunder is coming closer. May is my favorite month and I wish I could take the entire month off. I've been appreciating the mornings on my way to work when the sun is shining and there's a "bright new day" feeling. The evenings are nice and long enough to be able to walk after supper if I want to. We've had plenty of gray, rainy days too, but that makes me appreciate the sun even more! Plus, could it possibly be any greener than it is right now? I haven't watered my flowers once since I planted them two weeks ago.


Some blog topic ideas are in the back of my mind and I thought I was going to write about one of them, but this turned into a mix of everyday happenings. Maybe next time!

May 13, 2019

Melancholy Monday

This might be a slightly morbid post, but I'm just going to put it out there. Blame it on the nonstop rain we've had all day yesterday and today.

After yesterday's Sunday school lesson on "A Courageous Farewell" and reading obituaries in the Messenger this evening, I'm reflecting on my life and what people would say about me. I've noticed that the obituaries of people without children are generally shorter, implying that those people leave fewer memories behind. Since I don't have children and am part of a Mennonite culture that values family and seems to revolve around children, I sometimes feel invisible. For the record, I want to say that I have not really struggled to accept being childless. It might be different if we knew there was a chance of having our own children, but with the chromosome disorder Cliff was born with, we know it's impossible. At this time, we both have no interest in fostering or adopting, which seems to bring another set of struggles and hardship for many people. Because we don't have a family, we enjoy more freedom and privileges. Obviously God didn't design everyone to be parents. Sometimes I feel it's abnormal that I'm not anguished about not having babies, since that usually seems to be the case for most women. Feeling like I don't fit in has actually been a bigger struggle for me than not being a mom. But I have no desire to acquire a child in any way possible just so I can fit in.

Thinking about my own death is not scary. It's more scary and unthinkable to imagine it happening to my loved ones. So what would my obituary say? She loved flowers and the outdoors. She loved her family and especially enjoyed being an aunt. I hope people could say I was kind and tried to be a good teacher. I'm trying to be more positive and not so hard on myself, so I won't mention all the areas that I fail in.

I've been encouraged to think of my job as a service to others and that is my endeavor. I do enjoy my job and slowly miss teaching less and less. Being a teacher definitely made me feel more useful and needed, but also was a tremendous responsibility.

To live like this quote is my goal.