compliment, don't criticize

If you can't say something nice, say nothing.

When I was a child, I remember being told this by my parents. I've been thinking about how we talk about other people. It bothers me when I hear others talking negatively about someone, but then I catch myself doing it too! Really, why do we need to talk about others unless we're going to say something good about them?

This is one of my dad's favorite quotes and has always been impressive to me, also. Certainly, when our conversation is mostly about people, it shows how small our world is. If you start paying attention, you soon realize that not only do we talk about people, but also criticize, make fun of, and gossip about others. When I hear others talk badly about someone and I see the same fault in that person, it's hard not to join in the negativity. Yet I want to be the person who never says anything bad about people.

This brings up another issue - giving constructive criticism. I believe there is definitely a time for that, but many of us don't have the talent to make it "constructive". For example, if I see a co-worker not doing their job properly, I refrain from saying something because I feel like I come across in a harsh way. But then it irritates me that they're doing something incorrectly and it's easy for me to tell someone else about it. When I feel like I'm being criticized, I soon start thinking I'm a failure. I realize this is my problem, but maybe if I got just as many compliments as criticism, it would make it easier to take. The last few days I've gotten quite a bit of criticism by one of my co-workers. It makes such a difference in how my day goes (not good) and exhausts me. Probably her intention is to train me to do better with constructive criticism, but it feels like nit-picking. So now I'm talking badly about someone, right?! When our struggles involve other people, it's hardly possible to not talk about them. I don't have answers, but I do know that I want to give more compliments and say only good things when I talk about others.