from the front line

As we near another lockdown due to COVID-19, I've been having many thoughts. Most of my family and friends don't see what life is like in a hospital during a pandemic, so I may have a different view than many of my peers. In case anyone cares, I want to state for the record that I am not afraid of COVID-19 and never have been. I feel that some of the effects of keeping the lonely and elderly away from friends and family and shutting down schools are more harmful than the virus. At the same time, I think we need to be respectful of the guidelines and comply when in public. To many people, not wearing a mask (or wearing it incorrectly) comes across as "I don't care about you." You can argue with that, but it doesn't change the fact.

Management at the hospital is encouraging us not to travel anywhere, even in the state. They would promote following the recent guidelines set by the governor, such as wearing a mask in your own home when not around people from your household. (Here's a link to see more.) I'm not planning to wear a mask in my own home, or refrain from going to church (as long as we continue to have services), or cancel getting together with family and friends. For now, I'm going to live my private life as normally and quietly as possible. Technically that means I'm not complying with regulations, but I resist the idea of my employer telling me how to live my private life. 

On the other hand, I understand the regulations are put in place to control the spread and stop it from spiraling out of control. Healthcare workers are overwhelmed, weary, and stretched to their limits. If it continues to get worse, patients will not get proper care due to lack of nurses. Right now there's a large amount of our nurses quarantined because they were exposed to a patient who had the virus, but they had been told he was negative so precautions were not taken. We are also short-staffed during this incredibly busy time in the pharmacy. One of our techs couldn't take it anymore and quit last week without giving any notice. Everyone is doing their best, but the potential for errors increases in a situation like we face. Usually I'm able to remain calm in stressful times, but these last few weeks have been getting to me. Everywhere I turn, there's something urgently needing attention and I must constantly multi-task and try to remember to send a med, give a message to a pharmacist, get supplies, make deliveries, and other high priority duties while continuing to answer phones, look things up in the pharmacy system, hunt down missing meds for nurses, and make sure the clean room is making enough IV's to get us through the next 24 hours. Some people can't handle stress well and lash out at their coworkers, adding more to the strain. By the end of my shift I'm wound tight and have to do something to calm myself down, like going on a walk. My back and stomach ache from the tension. Thankfully, when I'm at home I can usually put all that behind me and restore calm.

Some of our recent sickest patients have been young (30 - 40), without prior health conditions. Seeing that reinforces fear in some of my coworkers. Because of the environment we work in, it's hard to see these cases are still a very small percent of covid positive people. I think many of my coworkers have a much smaller circle of acquaintances than the community I come from, and haven't seen the virus doesn't affect most people as dramatically. 

I've learned it's best not to be too opinionated and vocal about this controversial subject. My intention in writing about it was to encourage more understanding and empathy in those who don't see the immense strain it causes to those on the front lines. Pray for the doctors and nurses who carry the biggest burden in caring for the sick. They appreciate anything you can do for them. An encouraging word, snacks, or meals can give them the boost they need to keep going!