a fine fall morning

While I've never thought of myself as a morning person, lately I feel the most inspired and optimistic on my way to work. The 45 minute drive gives time to contemplate and soak in my surroundings, and the fall colors lately have been phenomenal! 

Several times I've been inspired to write, but by the time I'm home from work, my enthusiasm is gone. The long, dark evenings affect me mentally, and all I want to do is go to bed. But this is not supposed to be a melancholic ramble! This morning was exceptionally brilliant, and I think it deserves to be remembered!  The season's first hard frost arrived overnight, and witnessing the sky brightening on a frosty autumn world has to be one of the loveliest scenes to be found.

A picture just can't do it justice. How would you capture the sun shining through golden trees at the perfect angle, hitting the frost-bitten cornstalk stubble? Or the way steam rises off a creek, hanging low over the water on a cold morning? Words fall short, as well. 

Although Fall will probably never be my favorite season, I can certainly appreciate it's beauty! All the dazzling colors help balance out the sadness, and the sadness itself has beauty. I think that's why I love this L.M. Montgomery quote. 

October book club

 

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle 

Barbara Kingsolver

nonfiction

☆☆☆

This was a rather out-of-the-ordinary yet refreshing pick for book club and generated plenty of discussion! For one year, Barbara and her family ate only food they raised or bought locally. There are many thought-provoking details given about the American food supply chain and the way we're accustomed to eating. I will probably remember some of those details and possibly make small changes because of this book! I've always liked the idea of buying locally and supporting small businesses, but haven't always gone out of my way to do it. 

I loved how this book exactly fit the character of the person who picked it. 😊 I would've had a hard time with this one if it wasn't for the audiobook, though. Still, I'm happy to broaden my reading horizons! 

Our next book was a favorite from Sheila's childhood. Benjamin and Jon looks like an easy, delightful read.

We've had our book club for almost a year, and now everyone has had a chance to pick a book. We don't have a definite plan moving forward, although there was some discussion of keeping on with children's literature. I've heard so many adults (myself included!) say they love children's books and I think it would be fun to discuss books like The Phantom Tollbooth, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and Wonder, to name a few!

And now, I'm off to spend the rest of this dark, rainy evening with a good book!

Lancaster County charm

The lovely fall mornings we've been experiencing in Pennsylvania this week have added another level of contentment to my days. I've been enjoying the 45 minute drive to work, especially the part of my route that takes me through Lancaster County. It's a feast for the eyes, driving past roadside markets laden with late summer bounty and colorful fall decor! From all directions, children walk or bike by, carrying lunch pails and headed to school. Ambitious house wives have already hung their wash out. I may get lucky and pass a horse-drawn wagon load of pumpkins. That picture-perfect moment makes me smile! Something about the beautiful scenery soothes and settles me. 

 

I'm still amazed and extremely grateful when I compare these morning drives to the other times when I headed off in the opposite direction, dreading another day at work. Yes, a job IS just a job, and not the answer to happiness. Some days still feel long and repetitious, but I'm not waking up with a cloud over my head, trying to convince myself it's not that bad, and to think positive thoughts! It's hard to put into words what exactly was so toxic about the environment at my last job, but it definitely was a negative atmosphere. 

I don't think I've said a lot about what I do at Gehman Accounting, and a few people have asked. I'll try to give some details but still keep the confidentiality agreement I signed!😄

The large Mennonite and Amish population of Lancaster County offers some unique bookkeeping opportunities. Many of these people run their own businesses, without the aid of a computer, email, online banking, and so many other tools I never realized I take for granted. Imagine running a business that has several employees, buying supplies to make the product you sell, invoicing and receiving payments from customers, operating off multiple loans, and trying to keep track of everything using only a paper ledger and faulty human calculations. I'm only beginning to get a glimpse of what it takes to manage a business under those conditions. Making deposits, for example. There's no such thing as snapping a quick photo of the check with your smartphone and sending the deposit electronically. The physical check has to be taken to a physical bank, and you have to get there with the help of a driver or hitch up the horse. Unless you call the bank, you can't see your bank balance, and if you need to transfer funds, that's another phone call. To my Millennial way of thinking, it seems complex and cumbersome!

Some of our clients opt for on-site bookkeeping, where a Gehman Accounting bookkeeper comes to their place once a week (more or less) with a laptop and does data entry, pays bills, creates invoices, or whatever the client wants them to take care of. Others keep monthly ledgers and send them in to the office along with bank statements, credit card statements, and whatever else we need to do monthly bookkeeping after the fact. The transactions get entered into QuickBooks, statements reconciled, etc, and the client receives monthly reports. Other clients have online access, and email or upload all bookkeeping documents as they receive them, and we take care of it from there. There's no cut-and-dried structure as far as I can tell, and every client is different! 

I wasn't sure what my training would be like, and it's good I didn't have expectations. 😄 Basically, I'm assigned a case and try to figure it out. I ask lots of questions and some days it feels like putting a puzzle together! I can't really see the whole picture - what does the client buy/sell, what kind of business they have, how certain types of transactions are handled - and I have to do some searching to find the right pieces. But I like puzzles, and so far this role seems to be a good fit!

September book club

This post is overdue by a good two weeks, but I still wanted to give an update on our last book club, which was held on an end-of-summer evening over ice cream treats! 

Our previous meeting was in June (read about it here), but we took a break over the summer since changing schedules and vacations made it hard to coordinate a meeting. We all agreed it was too long in between, because some of us had been finished with the book for a while and it wasn't as fresh in our minds.

The Last Green Valley

Mark Sullivan

Historical fiction

☆☆☆☆

This is a WWII novel unlike any I've ever read, and I really enjoyed the different perspective. It's based on the true story of a Soviet family of German heritage who is caught between two evils - Stalin and Hitler. Because of their "pure blood" German ancestry, the Nazis offer protection as they escape Ukraine. The Martels face many terrors, hardships, and a long struggle before finally finding their "last green valley" - a place of peace they imagined and dreamed of throughout their journey. 

Our next book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle was chosen by Crystal. I'm listening to it on my way to work, and so far it's been very interesting! I have a feeling I may never look at food the same way!

Not only has book club helped me read books I wouldn't have normally picked up, it's also been a great place to get ideas. On my night stand right now is The Ultimate Gift, a book that was recommended at one of our meetings. Although I haven't finished it yet, I've found it to be a very worthwhile read and reminder of what's really important. When I found out author Jim Stovall is blind, it made the book even more meaningful. 

The evenings are getting shorter and cooler, perfect for cozy book nights! I need to focus on getting rid of other distractions so I can experience more of them.

cubicle sweet cubicle

I'm happy to say I made it through my first week at Gehman Accounting! It's been a great experience so far and I feel extremely lucky to work there. I knew the environment would be vastly different from what I was used to, and I'm still marveling at it! 

LVHN never felt like "home" to me, but I can already tell GA will become that way. It's nice to have my own space, even if it is a cubicle. On my first day I was taken aback by the quiet office setting. I'd grown accustomed to always having background noise, and now I know why some people can't function without it! When it's silent, my brain wants to latch on to any sound that comes along and I can't focus if I hear someone talking on the phone or carrying on a conversation in another office! It's becoming more normal now, after a few days of adjusting. Another challenge was sitting all day when I was used to being on my feet. That's why I never wanted a desk job - I need to move! Thankfully there's solutions for that. On my third day at work I inquired about a sit to stand riser I saw being unused. Just like that, IT installed it for me and I now spend a good part of the day standing (and feel much better)! 

There's many other things I've found remarkable, and have lifted my spirit. It's nice to see people taking pride in their work, not spending excessive time on their phone, and caring about others. I can come home from a day at work feeling good instead of drained. It almost makes me anxious (what if this is a fluke, and it won't last??) to give such a good report when I've only worked six days, but if I'm feeling optimistic, that's a good sign!

In the staff meeting today, Nate said something like this - "You work at Gehman Accounting for 6 months, then mentally think that's only your first day on the job." That was reassuring because I feel like my knowledge is very basic, and I ask lots of questions and feel stupid on a daily basis. 😅 

If you're interested in seeing who I work with, here's a link to the Gehman Accounting "meet our team" page. I'm part of the bookkeeping team.

summer's end + the perfect iced coffee

It's the unofficial last day of summer and I'm swinging between sadness and invigoration. The crisp, cooler days of fall in Pennsylvania are undoubtedly some of the finest, but this season always brings out the melancholy in me. I wish I was one of those people who believe "September is the other January" and feel motivated and inspired to reset. To me, there's a kind of beautiful sadness in the shortening days, weaker sunshine, and chilly edge to early mornings. Whereas spring is a season of anticipation, fall holds a sense of loss. 

This is also my last day of freedom before starting my new job. The last three weeks without a schedule have been a lovely reprieve. The old to-do list got a few things checked off but I always seem to run out of time or energy to completely accomplish my goals. I'm happy to say I got rid of a lot of extra stuff and made room for a few new furniture items. Having too many possessions bogs me down and I like the feel of "less is more."

Like ice cream, iced coffee has become a summertime staple for me. I'm not a huge coffee lover, but I do appreciate a well-blended iced coffee. I was never able to make one that was completely satisfactory until I discovered a recipe for white chocolate mocha syrup that nailed it. Yes, it's ultra-sweet and rich, but a generous splash in strong-brewed coffee is perfect. Go to Southern Mom Loves for the recipe. To make the brew, I do about 8 tablespoons coffee and 4 cups water, then put a generous amount of ice cubes in the coffee pot. When the coffee is done, it should be cool. Extra brew can be stored in the fridge for several days. For a pint sized jar of iced coffee, I'd fill the jar 2/3 full of ice, about 2 tablespoons syrup (I like it plenty sweet!), add coffee until jar is 3/4 full, then add milk. Stir and taste - add more coffee, milk, or syrup to your liking. I'd love to hear how you make iced coffee! 

I know, it's actually pumpkin spice/hot drink season, but I'm still holding on to every bit of summer I can! Maybe I'll figure out how to make the perfect latte next (with my very limited coffee-making abilities!)

a chapter closed

This week I've been amazed multiple times. I know amazing is a word that gets overused, but I mean it quite literally here! 

I didn't tell many of my colleagues I was leaving LVHN, but slowly the word got out and by Monday, I was getting lots of "Sorry to hear you're leaving" comments. I was genuinely surprised how many people said that! After 7 months, it felt like I was just getting to know who everyone was, but hadn't made many friends. Apparently I've had the wrong impression this whole time! My managers expressed sincere regret, and even tried bribing me to stay. After hearing comments like "Why are you leaving us?" and "Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?" several times a day, I started doubting myself. Were things really so bad that I couldn't learn to like it at LVHN? Then something would happen and I'd remember this is why I'm leaving! 

Today was my final day. To my astonishment, my IV friends put on an ice cream party for me and signed a card with some lovely goodbye wishes. I was truly touched! 

In my last few days at work, I decided I don't want to completely cut ties, so I'll be staying on per diem. I'm only required to work 1 day a month, and that keeps my foot in the door. Also, I don't want to lose my skills and I know there will be times I just want to make some IV's! 😄

Every day of the last 7 months at the end of my shift I felt like running out of the building. I could never get out of there fast enough. Today was no exception, even though I will miss some things and people. There's mixed feelings, but the most dominant one is joy! Some people at work noticed I couldn't keep the smile off my face when I talked about leaving! And some of them admitted they're jealous. 

As this chapter in my life is closing, I'm still trying to process it all. It was such a surprise to find out how much people cared, among other things. I had a completely different impression and it's hard to reconcile what I believed with what I heard and saw. It's been an eye-opening experience!

a fresh start

It's August 1, and again the summer has gone by too fast. September, usually one of my least favorite months, will be here in 30 days. Some people like September because it feels like a mini new year. The seasons are changing, teachers and students go back to school, and there's a "fresh start" feeling in the air. This year September WILL be a fresh start for me. 

Breaking news!

I have accepted a job at Gehman Accounting.

I certainly didn't expect to start over at a new job twice this year, but things just weren't working out for me at LVHN. I wanted to give it 6 months to see if anything changed, and I feel I've given it a fair shot. I do enjoy working in the IV room, and there were other positives about the place. Still, the environment has been a drag on me and I've been unhappy there.

I sat down with my manager on Friday and had a very open discussion about why I'm leaving. I've greatly appreciated my managers all along, and they share some of the same concerns I have about the staff, unsafe work practices, and culture of the department. The manager of the IV room (a different manager than the one I talked to on Friday) told me she agrees completely, and what is happening is unacceptable. She mentioned that she's shocked by the vulgarity and attitudes of some of the staff, which I never brought up. She's trying to change how things are done in the IV room, but has had a lot of resistance and negative feedback. There are good people there that I will miss, but I never formed a connection with LVHN like I did at St. Joe’s. 

Although I don't like starting over, I'm really excited about working for Gehman Accounting. My interview with the CEO (I'll call him Mike, not his real name) took place over three meetings. The first interview was basically a personality test. I could tell quite quickly that he knew the kind of person he wanted to hire, and the questions he asked were screening me for personality traits. Some of his questions were, "What are you most afraid of?" My answer: not being useful. "What do you care about most?" God and my family. "What do you care about least? What people think. (To be completely honest, I do care a little. But I'm not generally bothered with it.) Out of the blue, Mike said, "Tell me a story." My mind was racing and I wasn't sure what to say, but finally I told him a "horror story" about a med error that happened at work. At the end of the interview, I took a personality test (the DiSC assesment, click here for more details). The whole interview was over an hour long. I messaged my friend Dani, who has worked at Gehman for 10+ years, and told her my impressions. In her words, "Mike always says, You can train skills but you can't train personality." It was the first interview I'd ever been to where the interviewer seemed interested in matching my personality to the right position. I was intrigued, since I've studied personalities a bit and think it's a wonderful idea to match people with what they're naturally good at!

In the second interview, Mike showed me the results of my personality test. My answers were transferred to a graph. He looks for people whose graph looks like a check mark (mine was). He explained what each letter (D, I, S, C) means and what my strengths and weaknesses are. Then we discussed what I'd like to do at Gehman Accounting. It was another hour-plus meeting. 

The third meeting was the official job offer, which I was very happy with. I didn't sign immediately, since big decisions like that scare me and I usually have a hard time. This was a surprisingly easy one, though, and a day later I was ready to sign.

I don't have an official start date yet, but think it will be around Labor Day. That gives me some time between jobs to regroup and prepare myself, if that's possible! As with all things, I know this won't be the answer to happiness, but I feel a lot better about the environment I'll be in. I'm sad to leave healthcare and making IV's, but I can't have it all. This quote from The Secret Life of Bees wowed me. 

Friday evening reflection

It's a Friday summer evening, I just savored a  chocolate dipped chocolate ice cream bar, and I'm lounging in my deck chair... this is what makes life good! 😄

Schwan's Double Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 😋

It was a stressful yet rewarding work week. I was off most of last week and was surprised at the warm welcome back I got. Now that my training is over and I'm on my own, I'm enjoying my job more. I know for a certainty I don't want to be anywhere but the IV room, and I'm trying to get transferred there full time. It comes with a lot of drama and stress though, because of certain people and how things are handled. I try not to get involved, but one of the techs is having major problems in her personal life and freely talks about it every day. Last weekend the wife of her "side piece" called while she was at work and confronted her about their affair. Since then things have blown up and every day she's unloading on some of our male coworkers, who she also hangs out with outside of work. They have their own significant others, who aren't happy about the attention she gives them. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't need to go into all the details. It's not easy working with her, but I think she's desperately unhappy. She doesn't have any real friends. It's hard not to join in all the gossip, although I don't want anything to do with the drama so I try to stay out of it. 

Another coworker has lost her dad and her dog (she's single, and the dog was a close companion) within the last year. A couple weeks ago, her mom came in for surgery and had major complications. She ended up on a ventilator, dialysis, and all kinds of life-sustaining treatment. It sounds like she won't recover and it's only a matter of time before they've exhausted all the options. My coworker is holding up remarkably well, but it's taking a toll. 

Our manager has been implementing some new processes to make our IV room more compliant with regulations, and there's been a few rough days. Some people can hardly handle change and it's hard for them to retrain their thinking. They get up tight and start lashing out at others, and things go downhill fast. Yesterday was one of the most chaotic I've experienced. I was on stats 2 days in a row, and the first day was calm and almost boring. The next day, it was out of control. I couldn't keep up and at one point there were 3 of us doing stats. At least I finally felt useful! It was actually one of the best days I've had at work because that speed is much more to my liking. It exhausts me to not be busy and have to look for things to do. Some of my coworkers told me this morning they didn't know if I'd show up after how I got my butt kicked yesterday! Excuse the crude language, I actually tamed it down from what they really said! 😆 

Even though I don't say a lot about my beliefs or even talk much, I'm realizing people see things. Someone said this morning, "Wendy, you don't curse, do you?" When I said no, she asked if it offended me that they do. I don't feel it's my place to preach or try to correct them, so my response was something like, "No, you're you and I'm me." It does get wearisome being around ungodly people, but it gives me a boost to hear them say things like, "You're always so nice!" 

I'm still glad to leave it all behind at the end of the day. I'll be spending the weekend avoiding work stress! 

June book club + wailing walls

Last week started with Monday morning book club at Kirbyville Farm Market. June's book Educated won high marks from everyone. Some said it's been the best one so far! 

I certainly enjoyed reading it again. It's a memoir but reads like a story, and is hard to put down once you get started.

Kaleigh picked The Last Green Valley for our next book. It's a WWII historical fiction novel, right down my alley. I started reading this weekend and so far, I'm hooked!

On the job front, things have been going much the same. I finally finished training in the IV room last week, and managed to do stats on my own a few days. According to what I've heard, some people do fine with training until they get to stats, then break down under the pressure. It can definitely be stressful, but I think I might end up liking it best. Intensity doesn't bother me and there's always someone to help if you're drowning. Also, we get to work with some interesting drugs. We do lots of meds for the pediatric cancer center, and all three vaccines (Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson) came through on different days last week. I also made IV's for a gift of life donor and a transplant patient. 

I've been at LVHN almost 6 months, which is the time I vowed to give myself to see if things got better. Some things are better now that I'm in the IV room, but there's still an underlying discontent and unhappiness. I have been exploring other opportunities, but I'm reluctant to switch jobs again and the unknown scares me tremendously. What if I dislike the next place just as much as this one? I would've been better off staying where I am. I actually feel paralyzed by my indecision and unhappiness with my current situation. It's affected my mood and zeal for life, and I can't seem to dig myself out of this hole.

In Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees, May, one of the main characters, suffers from depression and is overly sensitive to the world's sadness. Her sisters constructed a "wailing wall" like the one in Jerusalem, and when May is feeling sad, she writes down what is bothering her and sticks the notes in the wall. 

May's wailing wall spoke deeply to me, and ever since I read this book, I've wanted to make my own. Somehow I think I'd find it therapeutic. Maybe one of these days I'll gather up the energy to get started! 

let yourself just BE

It seems my unhappiness at work has consumed my time and taken away my joy and inspiration. I had a really rough week where I dreaded getting up every day and seriously thought about quitting on the spot. This week was better, though, and I'm starting to think I might stay. I doubt I'll ever love it there, but the work I do is becoming more enjoyable so that helps. 

One reason I have a hard time settling at my job is because I feel the worldly atmosphere has taken a toll on my spiritual life. Being around the language, music, and attitudes of a non-Christian environment makes its way into my thoughts and life, and I haven't been strong enough to resist. I really don't know how to act in some of the situations I encounter. The times when someone is matter-of-factly talking about their messed up life, saying things about spouse and family relationships that I find heartbreaking. All the off-color, sexual conversations. People talking dirt about coworkers. Those who have rigid beliefs about covid, and want you to stay away from them if you're not vaxxed. Working closely with the conspicuously gay. These are things I encounter every day. So many people need Jesus.

I've felt weirdly invisible because I don't join in most conversations, so I'm ignored. Social skills are not my talent, and I can't figure out how to relate to these people on anything besides work. There are a few who have been very nice and I'm grateful for that. 

Somehow I need to figure out a way to live in this less than ideal life. I realize that IS life, and no situation is ideal. I'm sure it's obvious that I live in my head and try to escape real life. What I really want is to be someone who loves others, and is thoughtful and kind. I need to get out of my head and stop thinking about myself. I know this, but that doesn't make it happen. And even if I am that person, it doesn't mean people will like me. 

The following quote sums it up better than anything. 

Let yourself just be even in the uncertainty. ♡♡♡

the simple life

The Simple Life

An attempt at haiku

A pink wheelbarrow, 

Wood chips spread around hostas.

Ugh, a snake slithers!

Transplanting bushes,

Stubborn rocks in every hole.

Two broken shovels.

Sweet sister arrives,

Bearing caramel iced coffee.

Highlight of my day!

More loads of wood chips,

Trimming bushes, gloved hand hits

A hidden serpent.

It plays dead, briefly,

Then unwinds and glides away.

These reptiles I hate!

A bug is inhaled

My brow drips, hands stained with dirt,

And progress is made.

Small annoyances

Can't touch me. I'm loving this

Time outside, at home.

Nature, a good book,

Away from work, I feel free!

It was a fine day.

W Smith

a shameless promotion + May book club

In this post I mentioned a book I was reading where the author courageously wrote about her struggles with darkness and life's hard times. I was lucky enough to get an advance copy in return for sharing my review and promoting this remarkable book.

Peanut Butter and Dragon Wings

by Shari Zook

About Shari, copied from her book:

Shari Zook is a pastor's wife, mother of four, and foster parent for the past seven years. She bakes cakes, grows herbs, and reads amazing books, but her heart is in raising children, crafting words, and connecting with women. She lives with her family in northwestern Pennsylvania and attends Meadville Mennonite Chapel, where her husband, Ryan, pastors. Her blog, Confessions of a Woman Learning to Live, can be found at sharizook.com.

I was introduced to Shari's blog over a year ago and have been inspired many times by her writing. Even though some of her posts deal with hard things, she writes with humor and courage. I was thrilled when she announced she was writing a book!

About Peanut Butter and Dragon Wings, copied from book description:

Longing for permission to be real about your own needs and struggles? Permission granted.

As good Christian moms, we're not supposed to ask for much. Jesus meets all our needs and we're supposed to be the light of the world to everybody else, right? Wrong.

Shari Zook appeared to be an overachieving supermom who deftly supported her pastor-husband and their congregation, homeschooled their children, and cared for foster children through the ups and downs of placements. But inside, her world was growing increasingly desperate as she struggled with the grief of miscarriage, parenting a difficult child, and spiraling depression. 

In her darkest hour, Zook let go of her need to appear super-human and reached out to receive God's unfolding grace. With humor and artistry, Peanut Butter and Dragon Wings gives us permission to step out from behind the appearance of rose-filtered perception and embrace the authenticity of honest need and human limitations. In the book's twelve chapters you'll find twelve practical ways to reach for a faith that includes doubt, and holiness that includes failure. 

My review: 

The fact that I, not a mom, could connect with Shari's struggles, speaks for itself. This book is not only about fostering and parenting, but also about depression, marriage problems, and friendships. To me, this book is outstanding because Shari is so honest about the ugliness we desperately try to hide or imagine away. It's helped me realize I can do that too. She truly makes broken look beautiful.

I'm shamelessly promoting Peanut Butter and Dragon Wings because it's an impressive, worthwhile book. Release date July 6, available here for pre-order on Amazon.

Now for a note on book club.

We had a lot to discuss on The Happiness Project. I like the idea from a friend of doing a book study with a group, meeting after every chapter. There's so many practical tips and suggestions to ponder. I like the way Gretchen makes lists such as "Secrets of Adulthood" and "Twelve Commandments". It's inspired me to make some of my own! Also, I love the many quotes, such as this:

An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth. -Mark Twain

Obviously, I'm a fan of this book, but I understand why some don't appreciate it. It's not everyone's cup of tea, and that's fine! It's also not a quick, easy read. I had a hard time finishing the physical copy. I'm glad I listened to the audiobook first, which is read by Gretchen and seems easier to digest. I may revisit it every year or so!

Valarie chose Educated for our June book. 

I received my copy in the mail today and am looking forward to getting lost in it's pages!

daily living

The last while I've felt like I had nothing worthwhile to write about. Life has seemed rather discouraging lately. I'm getting older, I feel stuck in my job, household chores are a drudgery, and I lack the energy to meet my own expectations. I don't mean to sound unthankful, because I really have it made in so many ways, but I don't think I'm the only one who goes through times like this. I know "this too shall pass." Also, one of my takeaways from rereading The Happiness Project is that being happy takes an effort. 

Actually, my job is not as much of a drag now that I'm in the IV room. I definitely have clarity on this - sterile compounding is my niche within the pharmacy world. I wouldn't last long in pharmacy if I was only doing the routine work. There's a few new things I had to learn in the IV room, but the basics are the same. At LVHN, they have a much larger volume of compounding, and there's 4 roles the day shift techs fill. Everyone rotates through the positions of manufacturing, syringes, fill list, and stats.

Most people dislike syringes the most, and I have to agree. In one shift it's very likely you'll do over 1,000 syringes, and it's time-consuming but monotonous. I actually got blisters after training on syringes for a week! The fill list and stat positions are for patient-specific doses that aren't made in a batch. There's a program we use where you take pictures of what you do, and that's how the pharmacist checks your work. For example, I have to make a dose of acyclovir in normal saline. In the dispensing program, I scan the patient label, the normal saline bag, and acyclovir. Then I draw up the correct amount of drug, and take a picture of that syringe beside the vials of drug and the saline bag. Then I inject the drug, seal and label the bag, and take a picture of the finished product. The program also tells you exactly how much drug (in mLs) to draw up, so it's not as critical to do the math, but there's other things we do, like Botox, where you have to do a lot of math. 

Botox was something I had to learn how to do. They do quite a lot at LVHN (generally not for cosmetic purposes), and doctors order it in different strengths so we have to figure out things like this: the concentration needs to be 5 units per 0.1 ml, and total dose is 300 units. There's only a few tiny grains of drug per 100 or 200 unit vial, which gets diluted with normal saline. How much saline do you add to the vial to get the correct concentration of 5 units/0.1 mL? There might be 4 or 5 different concentrations and doses to figure out, and it can get confusing pretty quickly. I like the challenge, though! 

Relationships between the IV techs are kind of treacherous. Some don't get along, and everyone knows it. Depending who you're with, you'll hear a lot of trash talk about others. I'm mostly quiet because I can't relate to a majority of the things they talk about. By the end of my shift, I'm definitely ready to leave it all behind. Thinking of staying there long-term is not a very happy thought, but I have no other good option so I'm trying to resign myself. 

What I'd really like to do is live and work in another country for several months every year. Something that involves writing and reading. 😄 Dreams, dreams, I know.

books to make you cry + rating criteria

I've been in the mood lately for books that make me cry. Maybe that sounds strange, but I enjoy those! Tearing up while reading a book is quite normal for me, but I'm thinking about the ones that make you want to lie on the couch and dissolve in a puddle. I need a few more in my life, so I'd like to hear what books make that list for you! Two books immediately came to mind, although I'm sure there's more. Interestingly, these books are also on my 5 star favorites list. 

A Tale of Two Cities 

Charles Dickens

Historical fiction

Brilliant story telling, tremendous love and sadness, beautiful writing, history... this book checks all the boxes for me. Not to mention it also starts with my absolute favorite first line. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... 

I reread A Tale of Two Cities this winter, and yup, ended up in a puddle. 

If you don't know much about the French Revolution, educate yourself on the bare basics before reading this book. It makes it much more comprehensible.

The Book Thief

Markus Zusak

Historical fiction 

Not only is The Book Thief a truly sad story, it's exquisitely written. I love the writing almost more than I love the story. The dark humor, the fact it's narrated by Death, and all the wonderful quotes - I will restrain myself from gushing, but believe me, I COULD. 

However, I must post some of these amazing quotes. 

I am in awe.

Now, on to another book-related topic. I like to give the books I read a star rating from 1 - 5, and have been thinking I need to define what each star means. There's a variety of opinions on this, but I found something that matched my thinking and decided to adopt it as my standard. I found myself giving many books 4 stars, but according to this measure, some of them would only be 3. 

5 stars: it was amazing! These are the books that pull me in and make me feel, I can't stop thinking about, take me on a journey, or give me new thoughts and ideas. Books I'd like to own a copy of and cherish (although I read a lot, I rarely own hard copies).  

4 stars: I really liked it. A great book, one to recommend. It holds my attention and is good entertainment. Doesn't have the "wow factor" of a 5 star.

3 stars: I liked it. Not super remarkable, but still a good read.

2 stars: It was ok. Not awful, but not great either. These books are a waste of time.

1 star: didn't like it. A book that is boring or inferior in some way, one I would never recommend. I may not even have finished it.

I'll be waiting to hear what books make you cry! 😀