2022 - the first 20 days

Let's just say I'm hoping the first 20 days of 2022 aren't setting the tone for the rest of the year! Life has a way of messing with your plans and expectations, doesn't it? I decide to make "health" my word of the year, and haven't been healthy physically ever since! Over Christmas I picked up a virus and had hardly shaken it when I felt something else coming on, which rapidly progressed into all the common covid symptoms. I tested positive and was really wiped out for a few days. January is the busiest time of year for bookkeepers at Gehman Accounting and we're expected to put in overtime. I haven't managed to work any extra yet! Two weeks after the covid symptoms began, I've developed a horrible cough that interrupts my sleep. Lack of sleep and uncontrollable coughing can very quickly put you in a fragile mental and physical state. I haven't lived up to any of my expectations for myself the last few weeks, but there's no point in fighting it!

Lately I've seen several blog posts uplifting rest. It's helped me accept this is a time to listen to my body, look for ways to relax, and not worry about exercising. If I don't feel up to washing my hair and getting dressed some days, that's totally fine. If I can only see my way through a 40 hour work week, it's not the end of the world. If I don't step outside my house for days at a time, just enjoy the coziness inside and be thankful I don't have to go anywhere. If I don't exercise for a whole month, enjoy the rest and look forward to the time I can start again.

After finally getting a few hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, things are looking much brighter. My head feels different in a way that's hard to describe... lighter? empty? clear? It's all of that. I'd forgotten what it feels like to have a clear head.

I'm incredibly thankful for a job that allows me to work from home. I've only been in the office 1 day out of the last 10 business days. How did I get so lucky?? It's not such an exciting or important job, but usually I get engrossed in what I'm doing and hours go by without much notice. The opportunity to work from home for a company that cares about their employees makes up for almost everything that isn't so desirable.

I'm looking forward to better days ahead!

a New Year state of mind

It's Christmas Eve, but my head is in a New Year state of mind! For the last few weeks, I've been thinking of my goals for next year. The negative part of me wants to think resolutions are too hard and I never accomplish them anyway. But if I can drown out those voices, I remember that I love making resolutions! Making being the key word - I'm not that great at doing - BUT!! I have seen progress, and that's worth something! So I'm excited to continue. 

Beginnings inspire me. Mornings, a new year, a new job... I like the feeling of starting fresh and leaving past mistakes behind. Another way I receive inspiration is hearing what other people's goals are for the new year. So please share!

Last year I wrote here about my 21 for 21 list. I think I started doing this in 2020, but wasn't very successful. 2021 was better, yet I was feeling hesitant to make a 22 for 22 list. It seemed daunting - 22 resolutions is a LOT! Plus, I didn't have many ideas. In my search for new inspiration, I listened to a few of Gretchen Rubin's (the originator of this idea) podcasts on resolutions, and got some great ideas plus more courage! In the episode (listen here) where she reviews her 21 for 21 list, I was surprised at how many items she did not accomplish! Here are a few key takeaways.

• Crossing items off the list is not actually highest priority. 

• Some things that weren't accomplished in 2021 can be added to the 22 for 22 list.

• If something worked really well, that can be added to the list again.

This definitely pushed me in the right direction and I was able to start my list. Currently I'm up to 16, and searching for more ideas. This is why I'd love to hear from others what their resolutions are! 

Starting my list also helped me decide on my Word of the Year (WOTY). Here again, I was feeling uninspired and thinking of not doing one. There's something about seeing your goals written down that gives clarity. (Maybe being wide awake at 2 am for 2 nights in a row also has something to do with getting clarity ??) I realized a lot of items on my list had the same theme, and from there it was easy to find a word that summed it up.

My WOTY for 2022 is... health. 

This word reflects my desire for a more fulfilling spiritual life and better mental and physical health. I have to admit I have not been spiritually and mentally healthy for too long. I know having a WOTY is not going to change that, but I hope it will be a reminder to change my thought pattern or pick up the Messenger or get my exercise in. I want to put this word in places where I'll often see it,  but haven't figured out exactly how to do that yet. If you do a WOTY, how do you keep it front and center for a whole year? Now taking ideas!

Since I'm so persistently asking that you share your ideas with me, it's only fair I give you a peak at my 22 for 22 list! It still needs tweaking, but here's a few I have so far.

- Buy new freezer

- Get a will

- Remember family birthdays

- Weigh every day

- Spending freeze the first week of every month. (This has to do with the budgeting program we're doing. I still need to write about that!)

- Exercise 4 days a week, but strive for 5

- Stop mindless scrolling

- Have company once a month

Some of the items on this list scare me because I don't know how I'll accomplish them. I need to think of a few more easy or fun goals to balance out the hard ones.

Onward to new beginnings!

November Book Club + Top 5 Books of 2021

November's book club title Benjamin and Jon was a simple, heartwarming tale about a lonely old man and needy young boy. School-age children would enjoy this book as well.

Now we've come full circle, with everyone picking a book and the year almost over. I wasn't sure if we'd decide to continue, but it seemed we all wanted to! We agreed to pick up again in January, and I was able to choose our next book without much internal debating. Which brings me to the next part of this post - my top 5 books of 2021!

Thanks to Goodreads wonderful feature "My Year in Books" I have a list of titles I've read so far. Although I've read more this year than ever, I never felt like I found the one that completely captivated me. I found myself reading a lot of mediocre, average books which never quite reached that level. I also reread more of my favorites this year than ever before, and found they still met my expectations! However, I didn't want to include any rereads in my top 5 books for 2021. I was also hoping this list would not include any books I've mentioned in my blog this year, but it wouldn't be a true top 5 list then!

Top 5 Books of 2021

*To see a description of each book, click on the blue hyperlinked book name. 

The book I chose for our next book club is Wonder by R.J. Palacio.

My review: I did not expect to be so moved by this book. It's written in a way that you can feel what August goes through. There's awful, cruel people; but also wonderful, kind people in his life. And kindness wins.

The Happiness Project

I think I've written enough about this one already. See here and here. 

A life-changing book for me!

The Chronicles of Narnia

Thanks to a book club discussion, I decided it was high time to read the series. I had no idea what I was missing out on! If I had to choose which was my favorite, it would be a tie between The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and The Last Battle. I'll definitely be reading the series again!

The Rose Code

I'm a fan of Kate Quinn's historical fiction novels The Alice Network and The Huntress, and when I saw she had a new book, I expected it to be good too! 

My review: Another smashing historical fiction novel by Kate Quinn! I was sucked in to the story and even felt a bit of envy towards the characters - their work breaking codes sounds like the perfect job. 

The fact that the code breaking and other parts of the story actually happened, is fascinating! I also loved how the wedding of Prince Philip and Princess Elizabeth was woven into the story.

The audiobook narrator, Saskia Maarleveld, does a marvelous job and made the story even more captivating.

Peanut Butter and Dragon Wings

Another one I've already reviewed here.  

I'm still going to mention the rereads that were every bit as marvelous (and even better!) than the books listed above.

Rereads that didn't fail me:

A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak

The Help - Kathryn Stockett

The Blue Castle - L.M. Montgomery 

The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

The Nightingale - Kristin Hannah

Exercise - what worked for me!

As I mentioned in my last post, I feel like my whole mindset towards exercise has changed this year. I always knew it was good for mental and physical well-being, but somehow I could never stick with it permanently.

 Walking has been my main form of exercise (until recently - more on that later) and even though I enjoyed getting outside and never regretted my walks, I wasn't consistent. When I was making my 21 for 2021 list, I knew I wanted to include some type of exercise challenge. I've used the Map My Walk app for several years, which saves my workouts and lets me review how I did each year. In my mind, I thought I'd surely walked around 500 miles. To clarify, I'm talking about miles covered while walking for exercise, not daily living. When I checked my stats, I discovered I'd walked only 311 miles in 2020, and 321 miles in 2019. That's how I came up with a goal of walking 500 miles - I was pretty sure I could do it with a little more effort. When I saw one of my friends ran 1,500 miles in 2020, it gave me even more motivation to find the key to unlock such dedication for myself!

I can't go any further without mentioning a book that has been highly influential to me and is maybe the whole reason for my change in habit. I've mentioned it before, so you might know what's coming next. 😉 I read The Happiness Project in the first days of January 2021, and it came at exactly the right time to influence my whole year.

Before I go any further I want to emphasize that I'm only sharing what worked for me, and someone else might not have the same results. The Happiness Project is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's totally fine. Somehow it connected with me, though. Gretchen shares her own experience with discovering how to exercise more, and I found her research on exercise, habit forming, and other topics very compelling. I trialed some of her practical advice and found it works! She elaborates more on making and breaking habits in Better Than Before, another book that helped me think differently. 

To get started on my goal of walking 500 miles, I decided to ask someone to do it with me. We both use the Map My Walk app, and can keep track of each other's progress. I'm not a competitive person, but in this case it provided motivation to stay on track. When I was ahead, I wanted to stay ahead, so if that meant walking a little farther, I'd do it! This competition didn't last more than a few months, but it was long enough for me to start seeing benefits, which gave me continued motivation. Once I started experiencing the physical and mental benefits of improved mood and more strength, I didn't want to stop! 

With my work schedule at LVHN, I was usually able to go on a walk after work. When I decided to change jobs, I knew it wouldn't be possible anymore with a different schedule and fewer daylight hours as we headed towards winter. By then, exercise was high on my priority list. I started researching different options and soon realized I'd have to find something to do indoors. I've always hated exercising inside, and especially loathed a treadmill. It seems so boring, staying in one place and not seeing any scenery. There's no way I could stick with something I hated doing. I've been hearing a lot about the Peloton bike, and the concept of trainer-led workouts to hold your attention piqued my interest. After a lot of research, we decided to invest in a NordicTrack s22i (see details here). 

There were several reasons we decided on this bike over a Peloton, and I'm not going into that part of it. Overall, I'm extremely happy with it! I haven't gotten bored and I look forward to my workouts. It was a considerable investment, but it's already proven to be worth it.

One of the things Gretchen Rubin talks about is the strategy of the clean slate. The idea is that any type of transition can wipe the slate of old habits and be the start of a new habit. Transitions can be things like a new baby, a new school, a new manager, a new job, or even a new car. She says, "Start the way you want to continue". So if you buy a new car and decide from day one you're not going to eat in the car, that can be the beginning of forming a habit of not eating in the car. I used this strategy when I started working at Gehman Accounting. I decided to exercise before work every day. From day one, I got up and biked for an hour before work. I've missed a few days, but I've always regretted it when I started out the day feeling sluggish as a consequence. Now I'm in that routine, it's simply a part of my day, just like driving to work.

To sum it up, here's what worked for me.

1. My mindset changed as a result of reading The Happiness Project and Better Than Before.

2. Exercise became top priority once I truly realized how it affected my physical and mental well-being. (Not just knowing this in my head.)

3. I formed a new habit by linking it to a transitional period in my life.

Also, it's important to rest. I usually don't exercise more than 5 days a week, and my workouts are far from hard-core. Sleep needs to be high on the priority list too. In order to get up before 5, I go to bed before 9. 

Please know I don't claim to have it all figured out! There's many other areas of my life I wish I could get a grip on. I'm still learning, but happy for progress.

21 for 2021 - how it went!

Maybe you'll remember the post (link here) I wrote in January about planning and making goals for a new year. I've been thinking about reporting how it went, and wanted to write about it before life got any busier with the upcoming holidays.

Of course, things did not go as planned - when do they ever?? - but I still made progress and have positive things to report. I don't think I ever put my full "21 for 2021" list on this blog because some things are a little personal, but here's an overview. 

First, the good things! I included some items on my list that I knew with 99% certainty I'd do, so I wouldn't completely fail the project. Here are the ones I can check off as fully completed. 

✅ Read through the Bible 

Started Nov '20, finished Nov '21

✅ Start a book club 

This has been a special highlight of my year!

✅ Walk 500 miles minimum 

Technically, I'm at 497.9 as of today, but the year isn't over and I know I'll reach 500!

✅ Save $, pay off debt, and keep up with budget

Early in the year, we did a budgeting program and I've been amazed at how well it's worked! Even though we didn't follow it 100% of the time, here's our success story. To date, we've paid an extra $15,600 on outstanding debt! We've also greatly curbed our spending on groceries, household items, & Amazon purchases.

✅ Keep clutter out

This is kind of routine for me. But I think I did a pretty good job this year with eliminating unnecessary furniture/larger items. 

✅ Floss at least 5x/week

Well, I didn't document it, but fairly certain this happened!

✅ Bike the Walkway Over the Hudson

 

Walkway Over the Hudson - Poughkeepsie, NY

The next few items I was maybe 50% successful at accomplishing.

- Send a letter/card to 1 grandparent per month - schedule it.

- Use planner consistently. Meal plan and grocery shop at least 1 week in advance.

- Make a practice of fully prepping for work the night before.

It started out well! I made a schedule for sending letters and put it in my planner. Meal planning and grocery shopping in advance was marvelous. But gradually I stopped using my planner regularly and all the things I so diligently scheduled were pushed to the back burner. It takes effort and time to sit down and plan things out, and I guess it wasn't high priority. Prepping for work the night before happened most of the year until I started a new job and didn't have to leave at zero dark thirty every morning. Now I'm much more relaxed about getting ready since I don't have to punch in at a certain time. Still, it would help me get out the door sooner if I took this up again.

Now, a few things that didn't work out so well. 

- Make devotional/meditation time a priority. Schedule it.

- Drink more water.

- Learn how to limit phone time.

What can I say? I don't feel the need to make explanations or excuses because I know it simply wasn't important enough to me. 

Overall, I'm happy with what I've accomplished this year. What I'm most grateful for is that I finally caught on to how important exercise is and that it must become a habit. It's become highly important and necessary for my well-being, and honestly, it's become a hobby! I've considered writing about how this happened, but it seems I write so much about myself and it feels kind of boastful. 

Our successful budgeting program is another highlight and I might share more on that someday! 

 

a fine fall morning

While I've never thought of myself as a morning person, lately I feel the most inspired and optimistic on my way to work. The 45 minute drive gives time to contemplate and soak in my surroundings, and the fall colors lately have been phenomenal! 

Several times I've been inspired to write, but by the time I'm home from work, my enthusiasm is gone. The long, dark evenings affect me mentally, and all I want to do is go to bed. But this is not supposed to be a melancholic ramble! This morning was exceptionally brilliant, and I think it deserves to be remembered!  The season's first hard frost arrived overnight, and witnessing the sky brightening on a frosty autumn world has to be one of the loveliest scenes to be found.

A picture just can't do it justice. How would you capture the sun shining through golden trees at the perfect angle, hitting the frost-bitten cornstalk stubble? Or the way steam rises off a creek, hanging low over the water on a cold morning? Words fall short, as well. 

Although Fall will probably never be my favorite season, I can certainly appreciate it's beauty! All the dazzling colors help balance out the sadness, and the sadness itself has beauty. I think that's why I love this L.M. Montgomery quote. 

October book club

 

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle 

Barbara Kingsolver

nonfiction

☆☆☆

This was a rather out-of-the-ordinary yet refreshing pick for book club and generated plenty of discussion! For one year, Barbara and her family ate only food they raised or bought locally. There are many thought-provoking details given about the American food supply chain and the way we're accustomed to eating. I will probably remember some of those details and possibly make small changes because of this book! I've always liked the idea of buying locally and supporting small businesses, but haven't always gone out of my way to do it. 

I loved how this book exactly fit the character of the person who picked it. 😊 I would've had a hard time with this one if it wasn't for the audiobook, though. Still, I'm happy to broaden my reading horizons! 

Our next book was a favorite from Sheila's childhood. Benjamin and Jon looks like an easy, delightful read.

We've had our book club for almost a year, and now everyone has had a chance to pick a book. We don't have a definite plan moving forward, although there was some discussion of keeping on with children's literature. I've heard so many adults (myself included!) say they love children's books and I think it would be fun to discuss books like The Phantom Tollbooth, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and Wonder, to name a few!

And now, I'm off to spend the rest of this dark, rainy evening with a good book!

Lancaster County charm

The lovely fall mornings we've been experiencing in Pennsylvania this week have added another level of contentment to my days. I've been enjoying the 45 minute drive to work, especially the part of my route that takes me through Lancaster County. It's a feast for the eyes, driving past roadside markets laden with late summer bounty and colorful fall decor! From all directions, children walk or bike by, carrying lunch pails and headed to school. Ambitious house wives have already hung their wash out. I may get lucky and pass a horse-drawn wagon load of pumpkins. That picture-perfect moment makes me smile! Something about the beautiful scenery soothes and settles me. 

 

I'm still amazed and extremely grateful when I compare these morning drives to the other times when I headed off in the opposite direction, dreading another day at work. Yes, a job IS just a job, and not the answer to happiness. Some days still feel long and repetitious, but I'm not waking up with a cloud over my head, trying to convince myself it's not that bad, and to think positive thoughts! It's hard to put into words what exactly was so toxic about the environment at my last job, but it definitely was a negative atmosphere. 

I don't think I've said a lot about what I do at Gehman Accounting, and a few people have asked. I'll try to give some details but still keep the confidentiality agreement I signed!😄

The large Mennonite and Amish population of Lancaster County offers some unique bookkeeping opportunities. Many of these people run their own businesses, without the aid of a computer, email, online banking, and so many other tools I never realized I take for granted. Imagine running a business that has several employees, buying supplies to make the product you sell, invoicing and receiving payments from customers, operating off multiple loans, and trying to keep track of everything using only a paper ledger and faulty human calculations. I'm only beginning to get a glimpse of what it takes to manage a business under those conditions. Making deposits, for example. There's no such thing as snapping a quick photo of the check with your smartphone and sending the deposit electronically. The physical check has to be taken to a physical bank, and you have to get there with the help of a driver or hitch up the horse. Unless you call the bank, you can't see your bank balance, and if you need to transfer funds, that's another phone call. To my Millennial way of thinking, it seems complex and cumbersome!

Some of our clients opt for on-site bookkeeping, where a Gehman Accounting bookkeeper comes to their place once a week (more or less) with a laptop and does data entry, pays bills, creates invoices, or whatever the client wants them to take care of. Others keep monthly ledgers and send them in to the office along with bank statements, credit card statements, and whatever else we need to do monthly bookkeeping after the fact. The transactions get entered into QuickBooks, statements reconciled, etc, and the client receives monthly reports. Other clients have online access, and email or upload all bookkeeping documents as they receive them, and we take care of it from there. There's no cut-and-dried structure as far as I can tell, and every client is different! 

I wasn't sure what my training would be like, and it's good I didn't have expectations. 😄 Basically, I'm assigned a case and try to figure it out. I ask lots of questions and some days it feels like putting a puzzle together! I can't really see the whole picture - what does the client buy/sell, what kind of business they have, how certain types of transactions are handled - and I have to do some searching to find the right pieces. But I like puzzles, and so far this role seems to be a good fit!

September book club

This post is overdue by a good two weeks, but I still wanted to give an update on our last book club, which was held on an end-of-summer evening over ice cream treats! 

Our previous meeting was in June (read about it here), but we took a break over the summer since changing schedules and vacations made it hard to coordinate a meeting. We all agreed it was too long in between, because some of us had been finished with the book for a while and it wasn't as fresh in our minds.

The Last Green Valley

Mark Sullivan

Historical fiction

☆☆☆☆

This is a WWII novel unlike any I've ever read, and I really enjoyed the different perspective. It's based on the true story of a Soviet family of German heritage who is caught between two evils - Stalin and Hitler. Because of their "pure blood" German ancestry, the Nazis offer protection as they escape Ukraine. The Martels face many terrors, hardships, and a long struggle before finally finding their "last green valley" - a place of peace they imagined and dreamed of throughout their journey. 

Our next book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle was chosen by Crystal. I'm listening to it on my way to work, and so far it's been very interesting! I have a feeling I may never look at food the same way!

Not only has book club helped me read books I wouldn't have normally picked up, it's also been a great place to get ideas. On my night stand right now is The Ultimate Gift, a book that was recommended at one of our meetings. Although I haven't finished it yet, I've found it to be a very worthwhile read and reminder of what's really important. When I found out author Jim Stovall is blind, it made the book even more meaningful. 

The evenings are getting shorter and cooler, perfect for cozy book nights! I need to focus on getting rid of other distractions so I can experience more of them.

cubicle sweet cubicle

I'm happy to say I made it through my first week at Gehman Accounting! It's been a great experience so far and I feel extremely lucky to work there. I knew the environment would be vastly different from what I was used to, and I'm still marveling at it! 

LVHN never felt like "home" to me, but I can already tell GA will become that way. It's nice to have my own space, even if it is a cubicle. On my first day I was taken aback by the quiet office setting. I'd grown accustomed to always having background noise, and now I know why some people can't function without it! When it's silent, my brain wants to latch on to any sound that comes along and I can't focus if I hear someone talking on the phone or carrying on a conversation in another office! It's becoming more normal now, after a few days of adjusting. Another challenge was sitting all day when I was used to being on my feet. That's why I never wanted a desk job - I need to move! Thankfully there's solutions for that. On my third day at work I inquired about a sit to stand riser I saw being unused. Just like that, IT installed it for me and I now spend a good part of the day standing (and feel much better)! 

There's many other things I've found remarkable, and have lifted my spirit. It's nice to see people taking pride in their work, not spending excessive time on their phone, and caring about others. I can come home from a day at work feeling good instead of drained. It almost makes me anxious (what if this is a fluke, and it won't last??) to give such a good report when I've only worked six days, but if I'm feeling optimistic, that's a good sign!

In the staff meeting today, Nate said something like this - "You work at Gehman Accounting for 6 months, then mentally think that's only your first day on the job." That was reassuring because I feel like my knowledge is very basic, and I ask lots of questions and feel stupid on a daily basis. 😅 

If you're interested in seeing who I work with, here's a link to the Gehman Accounting "meet our team" page. I'm part of the bookkeeping team.

summer's end + the perfect iced coffee

It's the unofficial last day of summer and I'm swinging between sadness and invigoration. The crisp, cooler days of fall in Pennsylvania are undoubtedly some of the finest, but this season always brings out the melancholy in me. I wish I was one of those people who believe "September is the other January" and feel motivated and inspired to reset. To me, there's a kind of beautiful sadness in the shortening days, weaker sunshine, and chilly edge to early mornings. Whereas spring is a season of anticipation, fall holds a sense of loss. 

This is also my last day of freedom before starting my new job. The last three weeks without a schedule have been a lovely reprieve. The old to-do list got a few things checked off but I always seem to run out of time or energy to completely accomplish my goals. I'm happy to say I got rid of a lot of extra stuff and made room for a few new furniture items. Having too many possessions bogs me down and I like the feel of "less is more."

Like ice cream, iced coffee has become a summertime staple for me. I'm not a huge coffee lover, but I do appreciate a well-blended iced coffee. I was never able to make one that was completely satisfactory until I discovered a recipe for white chocolate mocha syrup that nailed it. Yes, it's ultra-sweet and rich, but a generous splash in strong-brewed coffee is perfect. Go to Southern Mom Loves for the recipe. To make the brew, I do about 8 tablespoons coffee and 4 cups water, then put a generous amount of ice cubes in the coffee pot. When the coffee is done, it should be cool. Extra brew can be stored in the fridge for several days. For a pint sized jar of iced coffee, I'd fill the jar 2/3 full of ice, about 2 tablespoons syrup (I like it plenty sweet!), add coffee until jar is 3/4 full, then add milk. Stir and taste - add more coffee, milk, or syrup to your liking. I'd love to hear how you make iced coffee! 

I know, it's actually pumpkin spice/hot drink season, but I'm still holding on to every bit of summer I can! Maybe I'll figure out how to make the perfect latte next (with my very limited coffee-making abilities!)

a chapter closed

This week I've been amazed multiple times. I know amazing is a word that gets overused, but I mean it quite literally here! 

I didn't tell many of my colleagues I was leaving LVHN, but slowly the word got out and by Monday, I was getting lots of "Sorry to hear you're leaving" comments. I was genuinely surprised how many people said that! After 7 months, it felt like I was just getting to know who everyone was, but hadn't made many friends. Apparently I've had the wrong impression this whole time! My managers expressed sincere regret, and even tried bribing me to stay. After hearing comments like "Why are you leaving us?" and "Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?" several times a day, I started doubting myself. Were things really so bad that I couldn't learn to like it at LVHN? Then something would happen and I'd remember this is why I'm leaving! 

Today was my final day. To my astonishment, my IV friends put on an ice cream party for me and signed a card with some lovely goodbye wishes. I was truly touched! 

In my last few days at work, I decided I don't want to completely cut ties, so I'll be staying on per diem. I'm only required to work 1 day a month, and that keeps my foot in the door. Also, I don't want to lose my skills and I know there will be times I just want to make some IV's! 😄

Every day of the last 7 months at the end of my shift I felt like running out of the building. I could never get out of there fast enough. Today was no exception, even though I will miss some things and people. There's mixed feelings, but the most dominant one is joy! Some people at work noticed I couldn't keep the smile off my face when I talked about leaving! And some of them admitted they're jealous. 

As this chapter in my life is closing, I'm still trying to process it all. It was such a surprise to find out how much people cared, among other things. I had a completely different impression and it's hard to reconcile what I believed with what I heard and saw. It's been an eye-opening experience!

a fresh start

It's August 1, and again the summer has gone by too fast. September, usually one of my least favorite months, will be here in 30 days. Some people like September because it feels like a mini new year. The seasons are changing, teachers and students go back to school, and there's a "fresh start" feeling in the air. This year September WILL be a fresh start for me. 

Breaking news!

I have accepted a job at Gehman Accounting.

I certainly didn't expect to start over at a new job twice this year, but things just weren't working out for me at LVHN. I wanted to give it 6 months to see if anything changed, and I feel I've given it a fair shot. I do enjoy working in the IV room, and there were other positives about the place. Still, the environment has been a drag on me and I've been unhappy there.

I sat down with my manager on Friday and had a very open discussion about why I'm leaving. I've greatly appreciated my managers all along, and they share some of the same concerns I have about the staff, unsafe work practices, and culture of the department. The manager of the IV room (a different manager than the one I talked to on Friday) told me she agrees completely, and what is happening is unacceptable. She mentioned that she's shocked by the vulgarity and attitudes of some of the staff, which I never brought up. She's trying to change how things are done in the IV room, but has had a lot of resistance and negative feedback. There are good people there that I will miss, but I never formed a connection with LVHN like I did at St. Joe’s. 

Although I don't like starting over, I'm really excited about working for Gehman Accounting. My interview with the CEO (I'll call him Mike, not his real name) took place over three meetings. The first interview was basically a personality test. I could tell quite quickly that he knew the kind of person he wanted to hire, and the questions he asked were screening me for personality traits. Some of his questions were, "What are you most afraid of?" My answer: not being useful. "What do you care about most?" God and my family. "What do you care about least? What people think. (To be completely honest, I do care a little. But I'm not generally bothered with it.) Out of the blue, Mike said, "Tell me a story." My mind was racing and I wasn't sure what to say, but finally I told him a "horror story" about a med error that happened at work. At the end of the interview, I took a personality test (the DiSC assesment, click here for more details). The whole interview was over an hour long. I messaged my friend Dani, who has worked at Gehman for 10+ years, and told her my impressions. In her words, "Mike always says, You can train skills but you can't train personality." It was the first interview I'd ever been to where the interviewer seemed interested in matching my personality to the right position. I was intrigued, since I've studied personalities a bit and think it's a wonderful idea to match people with what they're naturally good at!

In the second interview, Mike showed me the results of my personality test. My answers were transferred to a graph. He looks for people whose graph looks like a check mark (mine was). He explained what each letter (D, I, S, C) means and what my strengths and weaknesses are. Then we discussed what I'd like to do at Gehman Accounting. It was another hour-plus meeting. 

The third meeting was the official job offer, which I was very happy with. I didn't sign immediately, since big decisions like that scare me and I usually have a hard time. This was a surprisingly easy one, though, and a day later I was ready to sign.

I don't have an official start date yet, but think it will be around Labor Day. That gives me some time between jobs to regroup and prepare myself, if that's possible! As with all things, I know this won't be the answer to happiness, but I feel a lot better about the environment I'll be in. I'm sad to leave healthcare and making IV's, but I can't have it all. This quote from The Secret Life of Bees wowed me. 

Friday evening reflection

It's a Friday summer evening, I just savored a  chocolate dipped chocolate ice cream bar, and I'm lounging in my deck chair... this is what makes life good! 😄

Schwan's Double Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 😋

It was a stressful yet rewarding work week. I was off most of last week and was surprised at the warm welcome back I got. Now that my training is over and I'm on my own, I'm enjoying my job more. I know for a certainty I don't want to be anywhere but the IV room, and I'm trying to get transferred there full time. It comes with a lot of drama and stress though, because of certain people and how things are handled. I try not to get involved, but one of the techs is having major problems in her personal life and freely talks about it every day. Last weekend the wife of her "side piece" called while she was at work and confronted her about their affair. Since then things have blown up and every day she's unloading on some of our male coworkers, who she also hangs out with outside of work. They have their own significant others, who aren't happy about the attention she gives them. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't need to go into all the details. It's not easy working with her, but I think she's desperately unhappy. She doesn't have any real friends. It's hard not to join in all the gossip, although I don't want anything to do with the drama so I try to stay out of it. 

Another coworker has lost her dad and her dog (she's single, and the dog was a close companion) within the last year. A couple weeks ago, her mom came in for surgery and had major complications. She ended up on a ventilator, dialysis, and all kinds of life-sustaining treatment. It sounds like she won't recover and it's only a matter of time before they've exhausted all the options. My coworker is holding up remarkably well, but it's taking a toll. 

Our manager has been implementing some new processes to make our IV room more compliant with regulations, and there's been a few rough days. Some people can hardly handle change and it's hard for them to retrain their thinking. They get up tight and start lashing out at others, and things go downhill fast. Yesterday was one of the most chaotic I've experienced. I was on stats 2 days in a row, and the first day was calm and almost boring. The next day, it was out of control. I couldn't keep up and at one point there were 3 of us doing stats. At least I finally felt useful! It was actually one of the best days I've had at work because that speed is much more to my liking. It exhausts me to not be busy and have to look for things to do. Some of my coworkers told me this morning they didn't know if I'd show up after how I got my butt kicked yesterday! Excuse the crude language, I actually tamed it down from what they really said! 😆 

Even though I don't say a lot about my beliefs or even talk much, I'm realizing people see things. Someone said this morning, "Wendy, you don't curse, do you?" When I said no, she asked if it offended me that they do. I don't feel it's my place to preach or try to correct them, so my response was something like, "No, you're you and I'm me." It does get wearisome being around ungodly people, but it gives me a boost to hear them say things like, "You're always so nice!" 

I'm still glad to leave it all behind at the end of the day. I'll be spending the weekend avoiding work stress! 

June book club + wailing walls

Last week started with Monday morning book club at Kirbyville Farm Market. June's book Educated won high marks from everyone. Some said it's been the best one so far! 

I certainly enjoyed reading it again. It's a memoir but reads like a story, and is hard to put down once you get started.

Kaleigh picked The Last Green Valley for our next book. It's a WWII historical fiction novel, right down my alley. I started reading this weekend and so far, I'm hooked!

On the job front, things have been going much the same. I finally finished training in the IV room last week, and managed to do stats on my own a few days. According to what I've heard, some people do fine with training until they get to stats, then break down under the pressure. It can definitely be stressful, but I think I might end up liking it best. Intensity doesn't bother me and there's always someone to help if you're drowning. Also, we get to work with some interesting drugs. We do lots of meds for the pediatric cancer center, and all three vaccines (Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson) came through on different days last week. I also made IV's for a gift of life donor and a transplant patient. 

I've been at LVHN almost 6 months, which is the time I vowed to give myself to see if things got better. Some things are better now that I'm in the IV room, but there's still an underlying discontent and unhappiness. I have been exploring other opportunities, but I'm reluctant to switch jobs again and the unknown scares me tremendously. What if I dislike the next place just as much as this one? I would've been better off staying where I am. I actually feel paralyzed by my indecision and unhappiness with my current situation. It's affected my mood and zeal for life, and I can't seem to dig myself out of this hole.

In Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees, May, one of the main characters, suffers from depression and is overly sensitive to the world's sadness. Her sisters constructed a "wailing wall" like the one in Jerusalem, and when May is feeling sad, she writes down what is bothering her and sticks the notes in the wall. 

May's wailing wall spoke deeply to me, and ever since I read this book, I've wanted to make my own. Somehow I think I'd find it therapeutic. Maybe one of these days I'll gather up the energy to get started!