still waters run deep

I've been asking myself a question in regards to this blog and haven't figured out an answer. 

Recently I was told (again) that I live a life that's "all about me" and I know it's true. It seems so repugnant to be that kind of person. I haven't yet found a way out and feel this is just part of the journey I'm on right now. In taking stock of everything I do that is self-centered, I've wondered about this blog. It truly IS all about me. Yet some have mentioned it's a way of giving myself to others by sharing my life and thoughts. Writing is the easiest way for me to communicate, and maybe this is how I can connect with people. The downside is that I write things I'd probably never say, thereby opening myself to criticism. As a side note, I do appreciate constructive criticism and know I need to learn how to better handle all types of criticism/reproof. 

Maybe one of the reasons I find it hard to talk is because I have low tolerance for "fluff" but it seems you need a certain amount of it to carry on a conversation. When I write, I can talk about "real" things and be honest with my thoughts. I love it when people are real and aren't just putting out a culturally acceptable version of themselves. The above quote and title of this blog reflect my thoughts down that line. But where is the balance between accepting who you are and trying to blend in? 

Since writing is how I process my thoughts and feelings, maybe I should do it solely for my own benefit and stop blogging. I'm not necessarily looking for input, just stating my thoughts so others will understand if I decide to permanently delete this.

this summer evening

It doesn't get any better than this: sitting on my deck as the sun goes down, watching fireflies and listening to the birds. The air is warm, the flowers are brilliant, and it's complete contentment. How I love summer evenings! If I had to choose one favorite out of all the above, I'd pick the fireflies. Watching hundreds of them rise flickering above the grass is so lovely!

Working inside a windowless, sterile environment is a trial I resent in the summer. Since I'm also taking some online college courses, most of my non-work time is occupied studying. I was going to work on some assignments just now, but stepped outside and realized how lovely it was and decided it would do my soul good to just sit on the deck and write. 

I have been enjoying studying, although I'm realizing it's not as easy to learn when your brain is 35 years old! I'm taking biology this summer and plan to take several more classes in the fall semester. I don't have a definite plan, but for now I want to build up health sciences credits that will be useful if I decide to go to pharmacy school or any other healthcare field. Nothing will happen fast since I plan to keep working full time.

It's certainly been a stay at home summer, but that's fine with me! I honestly can't remember when the last time was that we traveled outside of the state (or maybe even the county!). Tonight we actually WENT TO A RESTAURANT AND DINED IN! That hasn't happened in at least four months. We want to do our usual summer Hudson River Valley trip over a weekend in August. I don't have to leave home to take a mini vacation, though. When sitting on my own deck on a summer evening is the best place to be, life is good!