real life complications...and blessings

One of the things that really bothers me is complaining. Is it possible to talk about negative situations we find ourselves in without complaining? Because I don't want to complain, sometimes I refrain from verbalizing my anxiety or negative feelings about something. Eventually it becomes too much, though, and I can't continue internalizing it. I'd really like to know what is the proper way to handle these circumstances. 

I'm writing this post hoping it will help ease some of the anxieties I've been experiencing by putting them into words. I don't know if I can do it in an uncomplaining way, but that is my wish. Unfortunately, this will be another epistle on covid, so you might want to stop reading here if you've already had enough! 

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm currently not working because of Cliff testing positive. This came at a bad time, due to my changing jobs. When I had to quarantine earlier this year, I was paid for my time off. This second time, I only get paid for 3 days because I've reached the maximum quarantine pay allowed. Now the soonest I can start at LVHN is January 11, which leaves me 3 weeks without pay. Cliff was also off for a week without pay, and frankly, we haven't managed our finances as wisely as we should have and there's no extra funds readily available to see us through. I'm having a hard time not stressing about the money/job situation and it's given me insomnia. 

To make things worse, I received a call from LVHN employee health today, and was asked some straightforward questions about how I've been observing quarantine. To give the right answers, I would've had to lie. Some of the questions I was asked - "Are you sleeping in a separate room from your husband, using different bathrooms, wearing a mask when less than 6 feet away from him?" The only way I've quarantined is not going to work or church. I've been with family and all other normal activities. I was told I can't go out for groceries or gas, travel anywhere, be with anyone outside of my household, etc. during this time, and my starting date is on hold until I've successfully quarantined. I don't know how I'm expected to live under such strict regulations, and I'm strongly opposed to an employer telling me how to live my private life. My rebellious streak is highly agitated and I feel desperate. It seems impossible to be honest and comply with rules I find absurd and unattainable. But I really need to go back to work soon, which leaves me feeling trapped. The only conclusion I've come to is lay low and wait and see what happens. Maybe by some miracle I won't have to answer such intrusive questions to be cleared for work.

Now on a more upbeat note - putting aside all the complications, having time off is fantastic!! I have time to go on walks, read, set puzzle, and tackle our budget dilemma. I've experimented with sourdough for the first time and in spite of not following directions correctly, made some tasty cinnamon rolls and bread. More exercising will be necessary. Ideas for blog posts are brewing, and plans for a housewide purge of unused stuff. We're healthy, have food to eat, a comfortable home with everything at our fingertips, and many more blessings. This too shall pass. 

I firmly believe "God is still good." That song has given me courage over and over.

God is still good when the waves roll high

God is still good all through the night

When I've done all I can and I don't understand

God is still good

Clouds of doubt may darken the way

But showers of blessing may come any day

He'll bring me through and I'll stand and say

God is still good.

Now Christmas is over

"Now Christmas is over" is an oft-repeated Swarey family lament, which I believe was first said by Grandma Elsie. After weeks of anticipation, precious time with family goes by too fast. On the other hand, going back to routine can be satisfying, and after days of delicious meals and treats, food begins to lose appeal. Vacation or holiday time always gives me new resolve to be more disciplined and structured when I go back to ordinary days. I determine to schedule my time, take daily walks, menu plan, go to bed on time and wake up early enough to not be rushed and late for work, drink more water, eat less, and on and on! I'm not sure why I continue thinking that way when past experience has shown it's a lot harder to put into action.

It appears I'll be on an extended break from work due to Cliff testing positive for covid. I've been quarantined from work for a week, and won't be starting my new job today as planned. A new start date is still to be determined, but likely will be another 2 weeks. There's plenty I can keep busy with, if only I have the discipline to do it! It's much more tempting to stay up late reading or doing a puzzle, which leaves me tired the next day and uninspired to tackle the list of projects I want to accomplish. It's rather embarrassing to admit how weak and self-indulgent I am when I watch my peers who are raising families and have no time for such trivialities. It was not my intention to write about my lack of self-control and unstructured life, though. 

Several years ago I laid aside my years-long tradition of sending out Christmas cards and letters. I feel this blog is my way of keeping in touch, but after receiving several nice Christmas letters, I began to feel a little guilty for not writing one too. I usually procrastinate when it comes to writing letters because I don't enjoy it, but somehow blogging is different. I know that doesn't really make sense, and I can't explain it either. 

I know I blogged a lot about my job and the pandemic this year. I also wrote about the few trips we took, so what else did our year consist of? We became a household of three when Sharla (Cliff's youngest sibling) moved here this summer. Cliff enjoys his retail job at Bowers Sales and Rentals and has a few side hobbies - flying his drone, tinkering on the boat, and taking it out any chance he gets. We did a few home improvement projects, mainly fixing up the basement bedroom and bathroom before Sharla moved in. 

What were the highlights of 2020? Overall, we'll be glad to see the year end, but there were good times too. The first thing that comes to my mind is the weekend in August when we took our bikes to Poughkeepsie, New York, and rode along a lovely trail, including a bridge over the Hudson River. Another enjoyable weekend was spent in Connecticut with cousins Waylon and Lisa, who are house parents in the unit there. We managed to set foot in several states over two days, including the amazingly beautiful Rhode Island coast. 

In some ways, this year flew by like a flash, but when I think of the coronavirus crisis, it seems longer than a year. I clearly remember writing down some goals and dreams for 2020 at the beginning of the year. It seemed so promising... a new decade, a new start. It turned out to be unlike any year, sometimes bleak, but still good. And like this quote says, the real things haven't changed.

my people, doing their job

Readers of this blog who are in my phone contacts and see my WhatsApp statuses already know I'm super excited about the news from Penn State Health this week! It's been a noteworthy week for pharmacy employees. First, a pharmacist coworker was spotlighted in the Penn State Health news. If you're interested, here's the article on Darryle Tillman, whom I work closely with. The picture that was chosen is a perfect snapshot of a daily scene in the pharmacy. 

Karla Rivera-Rodriguez is the lead tech who keeps everyone in line. Rare is the day when she hasn't set Darryle straight at least once! I love her body language and the look in her eyes here. It looks like she's getting ready to deliver her famous line, "Darryle, get your **** together!" 😆 

The next event was the arrival of our covid vaccine, which made local news (article here). I'm so excited our hard-working team is getting some recognition and it makes me happy to share a glimpse of my world with you! 

A day later the first vaccinations were given to front-line employees, again making news (link here). There are several great pictures accompanying the article, but I think this one is the best because it shows the clean room and hood where we make our sterile products. (Click to enlarge).

I've spent many hours in that hood. Just imagine Megan is me and you'll get a precise visual of a day in my life! Darryle seems to have a knack for making headlines. Here's Kelsey again, too.

My excitement is mostly because I'm so proud of these people! The vaccine is not so much my focus, but I've been asked by several people if I'm getting it. The short answer is no, but I'll also give the long answer. 

We received 975 doses of the vaccine, which is a first dose. The second dose will arrive later and be given after a few weeks. At this time it is not mandatory for hospital employees, like the flu shot is, but if we want the vaccination it will be administered using a tiered plan. Those who work in CCU and covid units will get it first. Our department would be on a tier below those who directly interact with patients, and by the time it comes around to us I'll be moving on to my new job. I don't know what LVHN's policies are, but expect it to be similar. Although I don't plan to get vaccinated at this time, I want to make it clear I am not against it and have no use for the conspiracies being spread by people who are ignorant. Sorry if that offends you, but that's how I see it. However, I'll admit I'm slightly reluctant about something that is so new and would like to see its long-term effects before I get it. If it meant I didn't have to wear a mask anymore, I'd get it tomorrow, but that's not going to be the case. Those who get vaccinated will still need to wear a mask because they could have no symptoms but carry the virus. My knowledge is limited as to how long it will be before that changes, but it's not likely to happen soon. Yet I do think those who haven't had the virus or are vulnerable because of other health issues should get it as soon as it becomes available. 

I hear opinions from both the far left and far right about covid, drugs, the vaccine, and other hot topics and as someone who hates conflict it honestly makes me cringe. What would Jesus do if He was here? Thinking that way sometimes helps me find the path of peace. After all, He's the gentle man who calmed the storm, ate with sinners, and lived His life loving and healing. What an example!

one day at a time

It's nice to be needed. But being desperately needed can be draining. That's how it feels at work these days. We battle overwork, stress, and exhaustion daily as we try to keep up with the demands of providing drugs to so many sick patients. We simply don't have enough people to carry the burden. Weekends are especially tough, since we operate with a skeleton crew but no decrease in work load. Last weekend was my turn to experience how overwhelming it can be. I have to remind myself I've made it through before so I can do it again! On Sunday morning I was near tears as I thought of facing another day. Thankfully it was no worse than Saturday and I had a good pharmacist to work with. 

I've read news stories of people who have covid but are still convinced it's not real. Now we have a covid positive patient who's being treated for the virus but thinks he just has a bad cold. When the doctor asked if he wanted to be intubated if he got worse, the patient responded he'd rather die than live through four years of a Biden presidency. 😄 I'd find it hard to believe this actually happened if I didn't know it was true! 

I've grown unhappy with my inconsistent work schedule and management issues over the past while. A couple months ago I updated my resumé and applied to a few positions, thinking I'd see if anything happened, but not seriously looking. To my amazement, I soon got a call, an interview, and a job offer at Lehigh Valley Health Network. It seemed like things were falling into place, but I had a hard time making the decision. The older I get, the more I hate change, and St. Joe’s feels comfortable and familiar after four years. I love my coworkers, who know and accept me. The LVHN Cedar Crest hospital is at least five times the size of where I work now, and I'd have to start all over making friends, finding my way around, and learning how a different pharmacy operates. However, I decided to take the opportunity and will be starting there December 28. It was super tough telling my boss that I'd found a different job when we're already short staffed and struggling. My feelings swing from terrified to excited to anxiety and sadness when I think about it. I still feel I made the right decision, but it's been really hard on me. I'll be thankful when the first six months at my new job are past. Right now I only feel a sense of loss for the friends and familiarity I'll be leaving. When I think back to other changes life has brought, I remember being scared before taking the big step, but usually it worked out just fine. I'm trying to stay positive, not overthink, and take one day at a time, but I'll admit I haven't been very successful at that!